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Title: The Birdikin Family
Author: Marshall, Archibald (1866-1934)
Illustrator: Morrow, George (1869-1955)
Date of first publication: 1932
Edition used as base for this ebook:
   London: J. M. Dent, 1932
   [first edition]
Date first posted: 10 October 2010
Date last updated: 10 October 2010
Project Gutenberg Canada ebook #636

This ebook was produced by:
Marcia Brooks, Ross Cooling, Mark Akrigg
& the Online Distributed Proofreading Canada Team
at http://www.pgdpcanada.net




_By the same Author_

SIMPLE STORIES FROM PUNCH


THE BIRDIKIN FAMILY

FROM "PUNCH"




[Illustration: He supported Miss Smith up the beach]




THE BIRDIKIN FAMILY

BY

Archibald Marshall

ILLUSTRATED BY
GEORGE MORROW

[Illustration]

J. M. DENT & SONS, LTD.




  _All rights reserved
  Printed in Great Britain
  by The Temple Press Letchworth
  for
  J. M. Dent & Sons Ltd.
  Aldine House Bedford St. London
  Toronto . Vancouver
  Melbourne . Auckland
  First Published 1932_


Thanks are due to the Proprietors of _Punch_ for their courtesy in
allowing these stories and many of the illustrations to be published in
this volume.




  To

  THE LADY FORSTER, G.B.E.




                  CONTENTS

   CHAP.                             PAGE

      I. A Walk with Papa               1
     II. The Results of Disobedience    7
    III. The Poacher                   13
     IV. A Visit to the Sea            20
      V. The Birthday Gift             27
     VI. The Birthday                  33
    VII. An Afternoon's Play           39
   VIII. A Talk with Mama              46
     IX. An Errand of Mercy            53
      X. A Game of Red Indians         60
     XI. An Unfortunate Encounter      66
    XII. An Amateur Conjurer           72
   XIII. Miss Smith Gives Notice       79
    XIV. Miss Smith Remains            86
     XV. The Lost Bracelet             92
    XVI. Fanny Runs Away               99
   XVII. The Bishop's Visit           105
  XVIII. The New Rector               111
    XIX. A Hunt Dinner                118
     XX. A Misunderstanding           125
    XXI. A Lawn Meet                  131
   XXII. An Engagement                137
  XXIII. A Marriage                   143
   XXIV. Farewell to the Birdikins    149




  [Illustration]

  CHAPTER I

  A WALK WITH PAPA


'Come, children,' said Mrs. Birdikin, entering the breakfast-parlour
where the four young Birdikins were plying their tasks under the
supervision of Miss Smith, 'your good Papa is now able to resume walking
exercise and wishes that you should all accompany him on this fine
morning, if Miss Smith will kindly consent to release you half an hour
earlier than customary.'

Miss Smith, who occupied the position of governess at Byron Grove, the
country seat of Mr. Birdikin, was a woman of decent but not lofty
parentage, whom her employers treated almost as they would have done if
her _birth_ had been equal to her _integrity_. This toleration, which so
well became persons of a superior station, was exhibited on this
occasion by Mrs. Birdikin's asking _permission_ of Miss Smith to cut
short the hours devoted to study instead of issuing a _command_. Miss
Smith was deeply conscious of the condescension thus displayed and
replied in a respectful tone, 'Indeed, ma'am, the advantages that my
little charges will gain from the converse of my esteemed employer,
while engaging in the healthful exercise of perambulation, would be
beyond my powers to impart'.

Mrs. Birdikin inclined her head in token of her appreciation of the
propriety of Miss Smith's utterance and said, 'Then go at once to your
rooms, children, and prepare yourselves for the treat in store for you'.

The four children trooped obediently out of the room, the two boys,
Charles and Henry, politely making way for their sisters, Fanny and
Clara; for, although their superiors in age, they had been taught to
give place to the _weaker sex_, and invariably did so when either of
their parents were by.

It did not take the little girls long to array themselves in their
bonnets and tippets, nor their brothers to prepare themselves in a
suitable manner for the excursion. When they were assembled in the hall
Mr. Birdikin made his appearance from the library. John, the footman,
who was in attendance, handed him his hat, gloves, and walking-cane, and
the condescending word of thanks with which he was rewarded sent him
back to the domestic quarters of the house in a thankful spirit at
having taken service with so excellent a master, who seldom raised his
hand in anger against a menial and had never been known to enforce his
instructions by an _oath_. Small wonder then that Mr. Birdikin received
willing service from those in his employ, who were assured of a
comfortable home and such moral instruction as was suited to those of an
inferior order, unless some serious delinquency should bring about their
dismissal or illness render them no longer capable of performing the
duties of their station.

It was Mr. Birdikin's custom in these delightful walks with his children
to question them upon the course of study they were pursuing with Miss
Smith and to distribute commendation or censure according as they
acquitted themselves well or ill in his examination. But he was well
aware that allowance must be made for the natural _exuberance_ of young
children, and that you could not expect _old_ heads to grow on _young_
shoulders. He was thus always ready to listen to _their_ remarks as
long as they were addressed to him in a proper and respectful manner.

'I am rejoiced, dear Papa,' said Charles, a bright-faced lad of some
eleven summers, whose natural high spirits caused him to leap and caper
as they walked down the handsome carriage-drive, 'that you are now able
to use both your _feet_. At the same time I should prefer to keep one of
my own feet on a rest rather than engage in uncongenial occupations.'

[Illustration: '_I am rejoiced, dear Papa, that you are now able to use
both your feet_']

'So would not I,' said Henry, whose more thoughtful disposition seemed
to mark him out even at that early age for the clerical profession, in
which his maternal uncle held Episcopal office and had preferments of
considerable emolument in his bestowal, to one of which Henry might well
look forward. 'To my mind a life of benevolent activity is preferable to
one of idleness, and I would invite our dear Papa to judge between us in
this matter.'

'I have no hesitation, my dear Henry, in pronouncing in your favour,'
said Mr. Birdikin, 'and if your brother will consent to use the _two_
members of which he has so lightly expressed himself anxious to
pretermit the use of _one_, instead of bounding about in what I can only
refer to as a _caprine_ manner, I will endeavour----'

Here he was interrupted by Fanny, a child of a somewhat sullen and
intractable disposition, who inquired, 'Is it true, Papa, that an attack
of gout is brought on by overindulgence in the pleasures of the table?'

'And pray where, Fanny,' inquired Mr. Birdikin in his turn, 'did you
acquire an idea so unsuited to the intelligence of one of your years?'

His countenance displayed signs which Clara, who was known in the family
as the Little Peacemaker, interpreted as indicative of annoyance.
Anxious that the harmony of the expedition should be preserved, she
hastened to say, 'My sister inquired of Dr. Affable the cause of your
ailment, dear Papa, and he informed her that it was _sometimes_ brought
on by partaking to an excessive extent of port wine; but----'

Here she was interrupted by Charles who remarked, 'When I grow to
manhood I shall drink three bottles of port wine with my dinner every
day.'

'So shall not I,' interpolated Henry, 'for do we not read that wine is a
mocker, strong drink is raging?'

This apposite remark caused Mr. Birdikin's brow to relax. 'I am glad,'
he said, 'that at least _one_ of my children has learnt to express
himself with propriety on a question somewhat beyond childish
intelligence. Our good Dr. Affable has no doubt had experience of
ill-regulated lives where _excess_ has led to bodily ailments. In _my_
case the malady with which I have lately been visited is the result of a
possibly _over_-anxious regard to the performance of my duties and a
consequent _dis_regard for my own health.

'But, come, children, let not our walk be wasted in idle discourse. You
have the advantage of the instructions of a preceptress whose lack of
_breeding_ must not blind you to the admirable use she has made of her
_understanding_. You, Charles, subdue your spirits to a reasonable
degree of quietude and inform me to what subject of study your attention
was directed this morning.'

Charles, thus admonished, put a curb upon his tendency to leap and
curvet and replied with propriety that he and his brother and sisters
had been instructed in the use of the Globes. This gave Mr. Birdikin the
opportunity of putting various questions suited to the intelligence of
his young hearers and administering correction and reproof in such a
way that the limits of the walk were attained with profit to _all_ and
enjoyment to _some_.

Fanny, however, whose answers to her father's questions had betrayed a
lack of application to the subject in hand that had brought her within
measurable degree of a threat of punishment, did not show that spirit of
gratitude for the condescension of a kind parent in devoting himself to
the instruction and entertainment of his children that could have been
wished. As she and Clara were removing their outer garments upon their
return from the expedition Clara said to her, 'Are we not fortunate,
sister, in the possession of a Papa who, with a mind so well stocked
with knowledge, is anxious to put it at the disposal of his children?'

'I apprehend,' replied Fanny, 'that my Papa does not know so much as he
thinks he does.'

'Disrespectful child,' ejaculated Clara, the blush of indignation
mantling her cheek, 'to speak thus of a kind and indulgent parent! Fie!
For shame!'

'Fie to you!' replied the unrepentant Fanny.

And there we must leave our young friends for the present.




  CHAPTER II

  THE RESULTS OF DISOBEDIENCE


The parish in which Byron Grove, Mr. Birdikin's country seat, was
situated, was served by a curate of the name of Guff, who was possessed
of a considerable family of young children. It speaks well for the
unworldliness and condescending kindness of Mr. Birdikin that he should
not object to the young Guffs consorting at times with his own children,
upon whom he impressed it that _poverty_ was no crime where _conduct_
was satisfactory, and that on no account were the curate's children to
be twitted or quizzed on account of their inferiority.

One fine afternoon, two of the Guff children, Thomas and Lucy, were
invited to Byron Grove to play with Charles, Henry, Clara, and Fanny. It
was usual for Miss Smith to be with the children when they thus
disported themselves, but that afternoon Mrs. Birdikin had requested of
the governess that she should go through her linen-cupboard with her,
and Miss Smith, sensible of the compliment, had put her services at the
disposal of her kind employer, adjuring her young charges not to lead
their visitors into mischief nor be drawn into the same themselves.

'Well, what shall we do?' cried Charles brightly as the six children
found themselves in the handsome grounds surrounding the stately
residence. 'My own preference is for a game of tag, if our young guests
have no better suggestion to offer.'

'I opine,' said Henry, 'that in view of the _sacred_ character of their
parents' calling Thomas and Lucy would prefer a less frivolous
occupation. Can we not play at visiting the sick poor? The strawberries
are now in season, and those of us who are deputed to bring delicacies
to the sufferers can first visit the kitchen-garden.'

All the children clapped their hands at this, except Clara, who said,
'Are you not aware, brother, that our parents have forbidden us to
regale ourselves with fruit from the garden except under the supervision
of Miss Smith?'

'It would ill become me,' replied Henry, 'to counsel disobedience to a
direct command of our parents; but I apprehend that the prohibition
would not apply to a diversion of which they could not but approve. You,
Thomas, shall take the part of the sick labourer, if you are willing, in
what is only a _game_, to divest yourself of that degree of gentility to
which you can lay claim. You, Fanny, shall be the labourer's wife and
Clara their daughter. Charles and Lucy will represent the Squire and his
lady, and I will content myself with playing the part of the apothecary
summoned to attend the sufferer.'

'Will the apothecary himself partake of the delicacies to be conveyed to
the sick poor?' inquired Fanny. But Henry made no reply to this
question.

The children then devoted themselves to adapting one of the
summer-houses, of which there were several in the spacious grounds of
Byron Grove, to the simulacrum of a sick-chamber. Miss Smith, relieved
for a few minutes from her attendance upon Mrs. Birdikin, who was
accustomed to partake of a glass of sherry wine and some light and
delicately prepared viands at this time of the afternoon, now came into
the garden, and, finding the six children so innocently employed,
retired with a word of commendation to her chamber until it should be
time to attend again upon Mrs. Birdikin. Her frame was not robust, and
her anxiety to save her kind employer undue exertion had led her to take
upon herself the _heavier_ duties of the afternoon's occupation, while
Mrs. Birdikin sat upon a low chair and directed her. But, though her
_body_ was aching, her _heart_ was full of thankfulness at the
consideration with which she was treated in this pious and _superior_
family, and, after lying for a few minutes prone upon her bed, she
returned to take up the part assigned to her, little thinking of what
was going on among those whom she would otherwise have been supervising.

No sooner had the summer-house been arranged for the scene of the little
drama so happily projected, and Thomas, Fanny, and Clara left there to
prepare for their parts, than Fanny said, 'Let us hide from them.' She
ran out of the arbour, followed by Thomas, but Clara remained there,
being unwilling, even in _play_, to depart from the strict rectitude
enjoined upon the Birdikin children from their earliest years.

No high degree of censure, however, would have been merited for what
would have been no more than an additional mystification introduced into
a game of make-believe, but Fanny's next step was a definite invitation
to her young guest and companion to an enterprise by no means innocent.
This was to climb on to the roof of the arbour, a proceeding involving
not only indelicacy on the part of a female, however young, but danger
to life and limb for both of them.

It may be urged that Thomas, being the son of a clergyman, who, although
not beneficed, was yet the official guardian of parochial behaviour,
should have protested. It would have been well if he had reflected for a
moment that what in Fanny might have been a venial fault, in _him_,
admitted so generously to the companionship of children vastly superior
to himself in station, could only be looked upon as _presumption_. Alas!
the careless boy gave way instantly to the temptation, and even assisted
Fanny to clamber up to the roof of the arbour, where they ensconced
themselves, concealed by a yew which overhung it, and waited for the
return of their playmates.

In the meantime the other children had repaired to the strawberry-beds
with their baskets, which they piled up with the luscious fruit, filling
their mouths at the same time to an extent far in excess of the
requirements of the little drama they were enacting.

They then returned to the summer-house, now supposed to be the homely
cot of a tiller of the soil. There they were met by Clara, who had in
vain tried to persuade Thomas and Fanny to descend from their
hiding-place. She at once disclosed their situation, to the intense
annoyance of Fanny, whose ruse was thus discovered. 'Tell-tale!' she
cried, and before the word was well out of her lips she had slipped from
the precarious slope of the roof and fallen upon Henry, whom she bore to
the ground, upsetting the basket he was carrying and ruining her
freshly-washed and ironed cotton frock with the juicy fruit, upon which
she subsided in a sitting posture.

Fanny's fall had been broken by her collision with her brother. Not so
that of Thomas, whom her sudden movement had also dislodged. He fell
sheer to the ground, and, instead of rising at once to take part in the
angry dispute now proceeding amongst the rest, he lay there groaning.

[Illustration: _He fell sheer to the ground and lay there groaning_]

In response to the cries of the frightened children Miss Smith came
running out, followed by John the footman, who lifted Thomas in his arms
and bore him into the house, where it was discovered that his
discreditable prank had resulted in a broken leg. It was not until Dr.
Affable had been sent for and put the limb into splints that Thomas was
sent home in Mr. Birdikin's carriage with a note to the curate begging
that he should not be further punished for his delinquency and stating
that Mr. Birdikin would himself defray the cost of the requisite medical
attendance in view of Mr. Guff's straitened circumstances.

This large-hearted generosity towards the _curate's_ child was all the
more meritorious since Mr. Birdikin judged it necessary to take a severe
view of the misconduct of his _own_ children. As he had no mind to
differentiate the degrees of blame attached to each, _all_ were soundly
whipped and sent supperless to bed. The tears of all indicated that
repentance had come home to them; but Fanny, who had been _chiefly_
responsible for the misconduct that had had such serious results,
confided to her sister that her only regret was that she had not eaten
her share of the strawberries before sitting on them.




  [Illustration]

  CHAPTER III

  THE POACHER


Mr. Birdikin was not himself an adept with the fowling-piece. He saw
nothing wrong in the pursuit of fur and feather, judging that birds and
animals suitable for human consumption were intended by an all-wise
Providence to appear roasted or boiled on the tables of those whose
worldly circumstances entitled them to partake of the more costly
viands. But some slight obliquity of vision, not otherwise noticeable,
made him an indifferent marksman, and a disinclination for the more
arduous forms of bodily exercise, resulting in an increase of girth
about the midriff, had caused him some years before to relinquish the
pursuit of a sport for which he felt himself unfitted. He had at the
same time given up preserving feathered game in the woods and fields of
his demesne, but members of the coney tribe abounded there, and birds
from the coverts of his neighbours, the Earl of Bellacre and Captain
Rouseabout, not infrequently transferred themselves to those of Mr.
Birdikin.

One of his numerous outdoor staff was deputed to keep down the vermin
and to supply his master's table with the toothsome trophies of his gun
or his traps, and Mr. Birdikin was wont to prefer the modest boast that
his requirements in the way of game when in season were as fully met as
those of his neighbours, and at a tithe of the expense to which they
were put.

One morning this man Shotter came to his master and informed him that a
cottager of the name of Onion had regaled his family the day before with
a rabbit, which had no doubt been illicitly snared on Mr. Birdikin's
property. It was not the first time that the savoury smell of this
rodent had been detected coming from Onion's dwelling, and Shotter,
devoted to his master's interests, respectfully suggested that it was
time that a stop should be put to his depredations.

Mr. Birdikin judged it his duty to pursue the matter. Onion had been
employed in a boot and shoe factory in the neighbouring town, and
inhabited a hovel on the outskirts of Mr. Birdikin's estate, from which
he could not be dislodged, as it was his own freehold. He was an
unsatisfactory character, never attended the ministrations of Mr. Guff,
the excellent curate, and had been known to utter subversive sentiments
on the subject of landowners in general and Mr. Birdikin in particular
over his potations in the 'Pig and Whistle'. In spite of all this, Mrs.
Birdikin, a true Lady Bountiful, had included this man's wife and
children in the visits she paid to the cottagers on her husband's
estate, and since Onion had lost his employment she had given
instructions that the scraps from her _own_ table should be supplied to
his wife, if called for, and only that morning had picked out a suitable
tract on the sin of gluttony to be added to the eleemosynary gift. Small
wonder then that Mr. Birdikin's gorge was aroused at the ingratitude
and dishonesty brought to his notice. As a magistrate of the county he
sent instructions to a police constable to take Onion into custody, and
before night fell he was safely lodged in gaol.

So far the dictates of right and justice had been followed, but Mr.
Birdikin's large-minded humanity forbade his including the innocent
victims of Onion's turpitude in the punishment he designed for the
perpetrator himself. The next morning, in his daily walk with his
children, he directed their footsteps to Onion's dwelling, and on the
way thither expounded in a manner adapted to their immature
understanding the iniquity which he had felt himself bound to punish.

'You will see for yourselves,' he said in conclusion, 'the misery which
the turpitude of a husband and father has brought on a comparatively
innocent family. The wife is culpable in so far as she _cooked_ the
stolen food and the children are to be blamed for having _consumed_ it;
but we whose table is bountifully spread may make allowances for those
whose food supplies are intermittent, and I do not propose to take
further notice in _their_ case of an offence of which I feel bound to
exact the full penalty in _his_.'

'If I were hungry,' said Charles, 'I should eat all the rabbits I could
find, and the pheasants too.'

Mr. Birdikin's brow darkened at the thoughtless disposition thus
displayed by his elder son, but before he could express his displeasure
Henry, who was more responsive to the training he was endeavouring to
impart to his children, said, 'So should not I. Our father has
continually impressed upon us that the rights of property are sacred,
and I would sooner starve than lay a finger on what was not mine'.

Mr. Birdikin was about to commend the propriety of this utterance, but
before he could do so Fanny broke in with the question, 'Then why did
you gobble up all the comfits that our aunt brought for us yesterday?'

Clara, the Little Peacemaker, hastened to intervene. 'My brother
thought they had been a present for himself,' she said, 'and as he was
under that misapprehension I willingly resigned to him my share of the
dainties.'

'After he had filled his belly with them,' said Fanny, whose propensity
to pick up coarse expressions from the stable-lads and others of the
lower orders employed in her father's stylish establishment caused her
excellent parents much concern.

The rebuke administered by her father withdrew attention from Henry's
unfortunate mistake, and by the time it was ended they had arrived at
the lowly cot which was the objective of their excursion. Here they were
met by Mrs. Onion, who ran out to her benefactor, with half a dozen
ragged children hanging on to her skirts, and implored him to have pity
upon an innocent man. 'Indeed, your Honour,' said she in her rustic
jargon, 'the rabbit were not snared by my Jarge. It come into the garden
and was nibbling of our cabbages when it fell down dead, and all we done
was to skin it and put it in the pot.'

[Illustration: _They were met by Mrs. Onion_]

Mr. Birdikin was not unmoved by this address, and was proceeding to
inquire of her the manner of the rabbit's decease, not being without the
suspicion that its life had been ended by violence, when her respectful
demeanour suddenly changed. She pointed her finger at Henry and shrieked
out, 'Who's the thief now? Get out of my sight you old sarpent, and take
your greedy brats with you. I'll have the law on _you_ now. Get out!'

The cause of this deplorable outburst, so little to be expected from one
who owed so much to Mr. Birdikin's bounty, was that Henry had picked a
bunch of currants from a neighbouring bush and was eating them when the
woman's eye fell upon him.

The full weight of Mr. Birdikin's displeasure at her outrageous speech
and demeanour would have fallen upon her, but she had retired into her
hovel and banged the door in his face. He judged it wiser to remove
himself from the scene, all the more so as she thrust her head from the
window and cried out that she suspected him of hanging about to 'pinch',
as she vulgarly expressed it, the family plate, and adjured him in the
most indecorous language to take himself off, and his 'spawn' with him.

'Come, children,' he said, with the dignity that he maintained under the
most trying circumstances, 'let us begone. You, Henry, who have brought
upon us this indecent exposure of low-breeding, shall yourself gather
the twigs which I will bind into a birch for your correction. As for
this no-doubt demented woman, I command you all to forget her
improprieties. Those of you who disobey me, whether male or female,
shall feel the weight of my hand.'

For the children the episode was ended by this command and by Henry's
chastisement. For Mr. Birdikin, however, the annoyance and injury to
which he had been subjected were not yet over. His upright and perhaps
over-scrupulous way of conducting himself was not to the mind of his
neighbour, Captain Rouseabout, who was addicted to cockfighting and
other low sports, and so far forgot himself as habitually to use
unseemly language in Mr. Birdikin's presence for the sake of shocking
his sense of propriety. Though totally unfitted for judicial office,
except in his abhorrence of poaching and poachers, he sat on the Bench
as a magistrate, and when the charge was preferred against Onion had the
audacity to say that it was Mr. Birdikin who should have been brought
before them for shooting and trapping game reared by his neighbours. The
woman Onion's counter-accusation of trespass and fruit-stealing caused
Captain Rouseabout to burst into a loud and rude guffaw. She was not
permitted to prefer a charge, but it was considered by Mr. Birdikin's
fellow magistrates that it was a case of tit for tat, and the charge
against the poacher was dismissed.

Mr. Birdikin returned home, and regained from the respect and deference
of those dependent upon him the serenity which had been somewhat shaken
by the annoyance he had undergone at the hands of Captain Rouseabout. In
the spacious and opulent surroundings of Byron Grove he felt himself
indeed a king among men, and was upheld by the conviction that such a
man as his neighbour must inevitably, be it sooner or later, come to a
shameful and dishonoured end.




  CHAPTER IV

  A VISIT TO THE SEA


Byron Grove, Mr. Birdikin's country seat, was situate six miles from the
seaside town of X, to which, when temperature and weather conditions
were favourable, the Birdikin children were sometimes taken for
immersion in the ocean, their parents considering that, if due
precautions were taken against the _dangers_ of sea-bathing, its
_benefits_ could not but add to their health as well as to their
enjoyment.

One summer morning, when Mr. Birdikin had satisfied himself by
examination of the weather-glass that no immediate change was to be
anticipated in the quiescent state of the elements, the four children
were sent, under the charge of their instructress, Miss Smith, to spend
the day at X. The programme arranged for them, with the thoughtful
foresight which Mr. and Mrs. Birdikin exercised in all the details of
family life, of which they were such exemplary exponents, was that they
were to be driven to the seashore, and while Bodger, the coachman, was
putting up his horses the children were to perambulate the sands and the
rocks and, under the supervision of Miss Smith, were to investigate such
denizens of the deep as star-fishes, winkles, jelly-fish, limpets and
the like as came within the range of observation, but on no account, at
_this_ stage of the proceedings, were they to get their feet wet or
venture beyond the control of their governess.

Upon the return of Bodger, a respectable family man who could be
trusted to act responsibly in a case of emergency, Miss Smith was
instructed to engage one of the larger bathing-machines, in which the
whole party would disrobe themselves, with the exception of Bodger, who
would keep watch upon the beach. This accomplished, the two boys and
Miss Smith would plunge into the briny element, and, upon the expiry of
a quarter of an hour, to be signalled by Bodger, who would stand on the
marge of the ocean with his timepiece in his hand, the two girls would
take the place of their brothers, Miss Smith being instructed on no
account to let go of the hands of her young pupils nor to venture beyond
her own middle.

All went according to plan until Bodger signalled, by the springing of a
watchman's rattle, that the time allowed for Charles and Henry was at an
end. Miss Smith was gratified at the complaisant spirit shown by the
boys in returning to the machine, but no sooner had she led out Clara
and Fanny than Charles, instead of rubbing himself briskly with a rough
towel, as he had been instructed, leapt again into the water and with
gleeful shouts began to splash his sisters and the governess. In vain
did Miss Smith exhort him to obedience, in vain did Bodger threaten to
wade into the water himself and chastise him. The insubordinate lad
continued his rough play, and Fanny, always inclined to be refractory
when encouraged by Charles, who had so often been adjured to show a
_good_ example to his younger brother and sisters, entered incontinently
into the boisterous and unmannerly sport, and wrenched her hand away
from Miss Smith's in order that she might the better strike the water
into her brother's face.

At that moment a wave advancing towards the shore dislodged her
foothold, and upon its return carried her some yards away from Miss
Smith. The governess, anxious to seize hold of Charles, did not notice
this catastrophe for the moment, and but for the presence of mind of the
bathing-woman in attendance on the machines, who caught hold of Fanny
and jerked her to her feet again, one of those tragedies might have been
enacted against which Mr. Birdikin had enjoined all the precautions that
were humanly possible. Fanny herself made light of the incident and
refused to return to the machine until her appointed time in the water
was over. Miss Smith put her and Clara into the charge of the
bathing-woman and carried the struggling Charles back to the machine,
where she carefully dried him, and did the same for Clara and Fanny
before she attended to her _own_ toilet, after which the machine was
drawn out of the water and the bathing-party regained the safety of the
shore, Miss Smith in a spirit of thankfulness that the peril brought
about by Charles's thoughtless prank had mercifully been averted.

Miss Smith, however, had a frame far from robust, and the anxiety to
which she had been subjected, together with the chilling effect of
standing in her wet but decent serge bathing-dress while she saw to the
welfare of her young charges, brought on a fit of shivering and a
numbness of the extremities which caused Bodger, who had been trained by
his wife to take observation of female ailments, some alarm. Followed by
the frightened children he supported Miss Smith up the beach and led her
to the first shelter available, which happened to be an establishment
devoted to the exhibition and sale of ironmongery, where he demanded
succour, suggesting that it should include the administration of a
measure of French brandy.

[Illustration: _He supported Miss Smith up the beach_]

It has already been said that Miss Smith's _birth_ was not equal to her
scholastic attainments. Of this Mr. Birdikin had been aware when he had
engaged her for the responsible task of administering, under his _own_
direction, the education of his children. What she had omitted, however,
to disclose to him was that in this very town of X she had relatives
who were by no means of a quality suitable for notice by a man of Mr.
Birdikin's superior standing. It was to these relatives that the
inscrutable leadings of chance had directed Bodger's unwitting
footsteps. Miss Smith's own mother's sister, Mrs. Clott, received her
and gave her the willing service and relief dictated by the promptings
not only of charity but of consanguinity. A _kind heart_ is not, as some
would aver, the peculiar property of those of _high_ or even of _medium_
birth. This good woman's _first_ preoccupation was to administer hot
toddy to her relative and put her to bed in a small but decently
furnished chamber. Her _next_ was to provide entertainment for the young
children who were for the time being in her charge, the coachman,
Bodger, announcing that the shock he had undergone necessitated his
repairing to a neighbouring hostelry where he could obtain the
refreshment required by his condition. So well did Mrs. Clott accomplish
her task that when, some hours later, Miss Smith was sufficiently
recovered and Bodger was summoned from the 'Mariners' Rest' to drive her
and her charges home again, all four children declared that they had
never enjoyed themselves better, and took leave of their kind hostess
with expressions of goodwill which, coming from the offspring of a man
of Mr. Birdikin's superior station, must have caused her considerable
gratification.

The adventures and alarms of the day were not yet quite over, for Bodger
had not entirely recovered from the agitation that Miss Smith's
indisposition had caused him, and showed less than his usual skill on
the driving-seat, the carriage deviating from side to side of the road
and narrowly escaping reversal in a ditch. Home was reached, however,
without actual mishap, and Mr. and Mrs. Birdikin were put in possession
of the details of the day's happenings.

It may be imagined that Miss Smith was far from being at her ease over
the accident that had led to the children being received in the dwelling
of her aunt, for Mr. Birdikin, taking into account the inferiority of
her origin, had impressed upon her that it was her _special_ duty to
preserve her little charges from contact with anything _low_. He was
inclined, however, to judge her part in the affair leniently, only
remarking that had he been aware that she had relatives engaged in
retail trade at so short a distance from Byron Grove as the town of X,
he might have thought the risk of engaging her too great, and that she
would do well to consider the indisposition she had _herself_
experienced as a punishment for her lack of frankness. He could not, of
course, countenance any further _personal_ communication with Mrs.
Clott, but, in consideration of the seemly way in which she had dealt
with the situation, he intimated his intention of transferring his
custom from the ironmonger whom he had hitherto honoured with his
patronage to Mr. Clott. Thus the dictates of propriety and urbanity were
alike honoured, and Miss Smith retired from the interview with a deep
sense of the tolerance and benevolence of her employer.

Mr. Birdikin's displeasure with Charles and Fanny for their unprincipled
conduct was expressed by a few sharp strokes of the rod for the _boy_
and of the bare hand for the _girl_. But Fanny's punishment, alas, did
not incline her to that compliance of the _heart_ which she had promised
with the _lips_. Her experience of the more obscure ranks of society, by
which her excellent parent was above all anxious that his children
should _not_ be contaminated, had made no deeper impression upon the
heedless child than to cause her to confide to her sister that when she
attained maturity she should ally herself in wedlock to an ironmonger
and live at the seaside.




  [Illustration]

  CHAPTER V

  THE BIRTHDAY GIFT


The birthdays of the young Birdikins were always made occasions of
innocent enjoyment, and high were the anticipations of pleasure with
which all four children awoke on the morning upon which Charles entered
upon his thirteenth year. No lessons would be required of them, and Miss
Smith would be released altogether from her usual attendance upon her
young charges, being set free for the soothing occupation of darning
their stockings and seeing to the buttons on their underwear, and at
full liberty to use what leisure remained over for the pursuance of her
_own_ pleasure, so long as it was such as to meet with the approval of
her employers.

'Well, my dear Charles,' said Mr. Birdikin when he had received his
son's morning duty and congratulated him upon the attainment of another
step in life's journey, 'as you have now reached the ripe age of
_twelve_ I conjecture that you will scarcely expect to receive the
commemorative _gifts_ with which such an occasion as we are now
celebrating has been marked in your more immature years.'

Charles's face fell, and Mrs. Birdikin made haste to say, 'Your papa's
remark, Charles, is made in a spirit of whimsicality. Pray accept from
your _mother_ this volume of virgin paper, bound, as you see, in blue
morocco with your initials stamped upon it in gold, in which you are
invited to set down such moral reflections as occur to you from time to
time, or such as you may derive from your day's reading.'

To this handsome and timely gift were added those of Charles's brother
and sisters, prepared under the advice of their parents and the
supervision of Miss Smith. These were a volume of sermons by their
kinsman, the Lord Bishop of P----chester, from Henry, a warm muffler
knitted by her own hand from Clara, and from Fanny the Golden Rule,
illuminated in colour by herself and suitably framed for suspension over
her brother's bed.

When the expressions of pleasure drawn from the delighted lad over these
tokens of fraternal affection had subsided, Mr. Birdikin said, still in
that vein of drollery with which he was accustomed to temper the
_authority_ of a parent at such times of relaxation, 'For the
_enjoyment_ of your father's gift you must wait, my dear Charles, until
the claims of appetite have been satisfied. Its immediate
_contemplation_, however, need not be denied you. Come hither.'

[Illustration: _Mr. Birdikin addresses Charles in a spirit of
whimsicality_]

With this he led the expectant stripling to a window which commanded a
view of the sweep of gravel in front of the mansion. Usually empty at
this time of the morning, this was now occupied by the figure of Bodger,
the coachman, who was leading a beautiful little Welsh pony, which at a
signal from his master he now brought up to the window.

The delight of the fortunate lad at this munificent gift, which marked
alike the _generosity_ and the _affluence_ of a fond parent, knew no
bounds. Each child in turn was permitted to administer a lump of sugar
to the pony, and when at last it was led away by Bodger and the family
seated themselves at table it formed the subject of gleeful
anticipation, in which _all_ joined, though the enjoyment of the gift
was at present to be confined to _one_.

This was explained by Mr. Birdikin, when he judged that the natural
exuberance of childhood had had sufficient scope and that it was time
that the voice of authority should be heard. 'I confess,' he said, 'that
it was not without some hesitation that I decided to introduce Charles
to the science of equitation at this early age. A moderate degree of
skill in the use and management of the equine race is becoming to a
gentleman, and I myself in my earlier years frequently took pleasure in
bestriding a _horse_.'

'Papa on a horse!' ejaculated Fanny with a laugh. 'That would indeed be
a sight to induce mirth.'

Mr. Birdikin's brow darkened. 'Pray subdue your tendency to untimely
cachinnation, Fanny,' he said. 'With the increasing bulk that attends
middle age in those whose duties call them to occupy their time in
sedentary postures I relinquished the use of the saddle some years ago.
But as a young man of some consequence I obeyed the wishes of my _own_
father in joining in the pleasures of the chase, and was known far and
wide as an intrepid pursuer of the vulpine species.'

'I well remember,' said Mrs. Birdikin, 'being carried in my father's
chariot to a meet of the foxhounds. The mark made upon the heart of a
modest but not unsusceptible maiden by the sight of your father seated
erect upon his elegant steed led eventually to that happy union to which
my children owe their being. Do you recollect, Mr. Birdikin, how one of
the accidents attendant upon the manly sport led to your being deposited
by your mettlesome mount in a duck-pond, and how the proximity of the
carriage in which sat a young girl hitherto unknown to you enabled you
to be conveyed back to your home with no further damage done than the
spoiling of your fine scarlet _coat_ and the risk of a rheumy distemper
owing to your immersion, which was mercifully averted by an immediate
retirement to the shelter of the blankets?'

'To that fortunate accident,' returned Mr. Birdikin with a courteous
inclination of the head towards his helpmate, 'and to the handsome
inheritance to which I succeeded not long afterwards I owe whatever
satisfaction has hitherto attended me in my progress through this vale
of woe.' He then explained that upon the demise of his father and his
own approaching marriage he had thought it right to pretermit his
pursuit of the dangerous sport of fox-hunting. 'But,' said he, 'I am not
unmindful of the preoccupations that beset adventurous youth. You, my
dear Charles, have already bestridden the homely and serviceable
_Jackass_. You will now, under the tuition of our good Bodger, proceed
somewhat farther by learning to control and guide your _Pony_; and it is
my desire, if I am spared by Providence, to see you some day holding
your own in the mimic contest of the chase on a _Horse_.'

'Indeed, Papa,' returned Charles, 'I shall do my utmost from henceforth
to deserve the confidence you have so amiably displayed towards me, and
trust you will no longer have to rebuke me for the thoughtless
disposition which I am fully aware has given you cause for displeasure
in the past.'

'There speaks my own son,' said Mrs. Birdikin, whose preference, if
preference she had with regard to her offspring, was towards the
mercurial Charles rather than to the more temperate Harry, in spite of
the latter's closer resemblance to his worthy father. 'I conceive, Mr.
Birdikin, that your birthday gift could not have been better bestowed
than upon one who at so early an age shows himself anxious to leave the
delinquencies of childhood behind him.'

'From henceforth,' said Clara, with the placable smile that so well
became her childish features, 'I shall look to my brother for an example
of that behaviour that is to be expected by our parents from all of us.'

'With that sentiment I would associate myself,' said Henry, 'while
reserving to myself the right of resisting it should I not consider it
of such a character as it would become me to follow.'

'You will always be at liberty,' remarked Fanny, 'to set your _own_
example, which I do not myself propose to follow under any circumstances
whatever.'

These several remarks may be taken as indicative of the widely different
dispositions already showing themselves in the Birdikin children, and of
the wisdom required from their parents in influencing them towards that
stability of character to which all their efforts as right-living people
not without consequence among their more highly-placed neighbours were
directed.

For an account of the proceedings of a day so auspiciously begun we must
postpone the expectations of our readers until a further chapter.




  CHAPTER VI

  THE BIRTHDAY


Mr. Birdikin, with that degree of worldly wisdom with which he tempered
the promptings of a mind as much set upon morality as was consonant with
his position as a man of property, had decided that upon the twelfth
birthday of his elder son he would make known to him the place in life
which he was called upon to fill. Before the diversions with which the
day was to be marked were begun, therefore, he summoned the four
children into the library, for he deemed it wise that _all_ should hear
the words addressed to Charles, and for their _own_ sakes learn to
estimate aright the subordinate position to which the females and the
_younger_ sons of a family of Quality were called upon by the designs of
Providence to occupy.

'You, my dear Charles,' said he, 'will succeed me in the ownership of
Byron Grove and the general esteem that goes therewith when I shall be
called upon in the course of nature to lay down my _earthly_ dignities
and, as it were, to go up _higher_. It is my earnest desire that in the
meantime you should fit yourself, by due observance of the rules of
conduct in which you have been nurtured, to take that place in the world
in which I trust that I myself have been proved not unworthy. While a
reasonable enjoyment of wealth and position is proper to, nay, even
_demanded_ from, a man of consequence--otherwise why should he have been
placed in a position of superiority?--you must not forget the welfare of
those dependent upon you. As long as they remain contented with their
lot in life and seek not in any way to claim equality with you or, as
the dangerous and subversive phrase has it, to _better_ themselves, it
will be your part to smooth their path for them, so that neither man,
woman, nor child on your estate shall actually _starve_, though the
unavoidable exigencies of life may sometimes compel them to go what is
called _short_; and, what is more important still, that none of those
dependent on you shall be permitted, under pain of losing your
countenance and support, to bear themselves in a manner unbecoming in
those of an inferior order.

'To you, my dear Henry, is allotted a task of scarcely less importance.
You will not enjoy so much of _this_ world's goods as your elder
brother, though, with the advantages that will come to you from your
relationship to a high dignitary of our established and well-endowed
Church, it is to be expected that early preferment to a position of
handsome emolument will be found for you. It will be your part to watch
over the _morals_ of the flock that will be committed to your charge,
and to keep them submissive to their betters and as uncomplaining as
possible under such visitations of poverty and hardship as are sent to
them as a reminder that they cannot expect to have it all, or even the
greater part of it, their own way.

'You, Clara and Fanny, have been sent into the world in the inferior
position of _females_, but you need not let that unduly disturb you.
_Woman_ was intended to be the solace and encouragement of _man_, and in
due time, if you comport yourselves with that allurement combined with
modesty with which your sex has been endowed with the _express_ object
of attracting to itself the notice of the other, you will obtain
husbands capable of supporting you either in sufficiency or affluence
according as you make use of your opportunities, helped by the efforts
of your parents, which will not be wanting to bring about the desired
results. I should wish you all now, during the half-hour which will
elapse before we engage in the _pleasures_ in store for us, to exercise
your minds in retirement upon the _duties_ of life which I have set
before you.'

'But may I not, dear Papa, first make acquaintance with the pony which
was your amiable birthday gift to me?' inquired Charles.

'I apprehend,' said Mr. Birdikin, 'that the pony, though reasonably
fleet of foot, will not run away while you are applying yourselves to
the reflections I have enjoined upon you. In half an hour I and your
mother will be ready to set out on the expedition with which this
festive day is to be marked. Until then you will kindly indulge me by
doing as you are bid.'

'Come,' said Charles, when the four children had taken respectful leave
of their parent and the door was between him and them; 'my Papa said
nothing about where our colloquy was to take place. As it appears that
my authority over you is to be greater than I have hitherto counted
upon, I ordain that we repair to the stables and combine the _duty_
enjoined upon us with the _pleasure_ of inspecting my pony.'

'I would remind you,' said Henry, 'that affairs of _conscience_ are to
appertain to _my_ department. I see nothing wrong, however, in taking
the course you suggest.'

'As a member of the _weaker_ sex,' said Clara, 'I conjecture that I
shall be fulfilling my papa's behests by submitting myself to the
guidance of the _stronger_.'

'Stronger be bl-w-d!' said Fanny, whose mischievous propensity to pick
up and repeat indecorous expressions has already been commented on. She
intemperately took to her heels and arrived first at the stables, where
Bodger the coachman was ready to lead the pony into an adjacent paddock,
where he opined that Charles would wish to mount the diminutive steed
and to receive his first lesson in horsemanship.

The temptation was too strong for the children to resist. Assisted by
Bodger, Charles ensconced himself in the saddle and the others followed
him into the paddock, where all considerations of obedience were flung
aside and the injunctions of their father were as if they had never been
uttered. When Charles had trotted and cantered round the paddock it was
suggested by Bodger that Henry should bestride the pony, and Charles,
whose generosity of nature was stronger than the sense of responsibility
he had so recently promised to cultivate, gave place to him, thus
countenancing on the part of Henry _direct_ disobedience to a command of
their excellent parent, who had laid it down that at present the use and
enjoyment of the pony should be for Charles alone.

Nor did the matter end there, for Fanny, casting to the winds all sense
of female propriety, scrambled on the back of the jackass, which was
feeding in the paddock, and, sitting astride in a posture that might
have brought a flush of shame to the cheek of the most hardened, urged
the not unwilling quadruped, by kicking its sides with her heels, to
enter into a contest of speed with the hitherto well-behaved pony.

The pony, possibly seized with a spirit of emulation, possibly
contemptuous of the homely animal now first brought to its notice,
suddenly quickened its pace. The guiding-rein was jerked from Bodger's
hand and Henry, as yet unused to controlling his spirited mount, was
deposited upon his back upon the grass. At the same time the jackass
executed a sudden elevation of its hinder quarters and a playful kick at
circumambient space, and Fanny was likewise unseated from her highly
indecorous position and precipitated on the sward.

[Illustration: _At the same time Fanny was likewise unseated_]

It was at this moment that Miss Smith, looking from an upper window, was
made aware of what was going on. Horrified by what she saw she rushed
headlong downstairs and made known to Mrs. Birdikin the double accident
that had befallen her young charges before proceeding herself to the
paddock to render what assistance it might be within her capacity to
impart. She was immediately followed by Mr. Birdikin, who could scarcely
believe his ears when informed by his spouse of the extent to which his
commands had been disobeyed.

By a merciful interposition of Providence no harm to life or even to
limb had resulted from what might have brought a disastrous end to the
outrageous and lawless prank. So lost were the children to the enormity
of their conduct that upon the arrival of their instructress all were
laughing at the mishap, and Fanny was adjuring Bodger to 'catch the old
Moke' so that she might repeat the dangerous and indelicate game.

Laughter, as may well be imagined, was quickly changed to its reverse
when Mr. Birdikin appeared on the scene and without any delay
administered that chastisement which the occasion demanded and a
stirrup-leather made immediately convenient. The diversions by which the
day that had opened so auspiciously was to be marked were countermanded,
and Miss Smith was enjoined by her employer to exact _double_ the tasks
usually required of her pupils as a further punishment for their
disobedience.

By these means the authority of a parent was vindicated and the path of
duty was shown to be preferable to that of licence. A slight sprain of
the elbow, owing to the severity of the punishment he had felt called
upon to administer, was considered by Mr. Birdikin a small price to pay
for keeping his children in the paths of rectitude, and he judged
rightly that they would not soon forget the events of Charles's twelfth
birthday.




  [Illustration]

  CHAPTER VII

  AN AFTERNOON'S PLAY


One fine morning in September a coroneted note was brought by a mounted
groom from Bellacre Castle to Byron Grove, in which the Countess of
Bellacre requested that the four young Birdikins should be brought over
that afternoon to play with her own children, the Viscount Firebolt, the
Lady Mary, and the Honourable John Firebolt.

This invitation was gratifying to Mr. Birdikin. During such seasons as
the Earl of Bellacre was in residence at his country-seat a neighbour of
such probity of conduct as the owner of Byron Grove, who was always
ready to unlock the treasures of a well-furnished mind when in company,
might have been expected to be welcomed to frequent intercourse with
him. Upon the occasions on which they met in public the _Commoner_ had
shown by his ingratiating demeanour that a fuller measure of intimacy
would be agreeable to him, but the _Nobleman_, while treating him with
the civility that became his rank, had invariably hastened to remove
himself from his immediate vicinity. Mr. Birdikin, after some years of
endeavouring to lessen the distance between them, had taken this to
indicate that on his Lordship's part that desire was absent. This
invitation, however, seemed to show that a more neighbourly intercourse
was now desired. The note was answered by Mrs. Birdikin, to whom it had
been addressed, Mr. Birdikin himself advising upon the _wording_ of the
missive, so that it should express the right degree of cordiality
together with the deference due to the rank of the recipient.

High were the anticipations of the four children as they were carried
towards the stately edifice which was to be the scene of the afternoon's
play, the boys in their best nankeen suits, the girls in freshly
laundered sprigged muslin, and it is to be feared that small attention
was paid to the cautions of Miss Smith, who had heard from an old nurse
of the young Firebolts, resident in the village, that they were what she
designated as 'imps of mischief'.

And so it proved to be. The Viscount Firebolt and the Honourable John,
who were of about the same age as Charles and Henry, had no sooner set
eyes on them than they challenged them to a bout of fisticuffs; and the
Lady Mary, who was dressed in an old cotton frock that would have seemed
more suitable to a cottager's child than to the descendant of a hundred
earls, or thereabouts, took Clara and Fanny off to inspect her tame
rabbits, and then led them to an adjacent farmyard, where they were
presently joined by the four boys, and that rough play was set in hand
which Mr. Birdikin had so strongly deprecated in urging Miss Smith to
see that her young charges comported themselves with propriety during
the afternoon's intercourse.

Miss Smith would no doubt have done her best to curb the boisterous
propensities of _all_ the children, but the Countess, herself addicted
to the pleasures of the chase, and bringing up her children on a
different principle from that followed by Mr. and Mrs. Birdikin, said to
her, 'Pray leave them to play by themselves. You look as if you want a
rest'.

Miss Smith allowed herself to be led into a handsomely furnished and
comfortable parlour, where she was bidden by her distinguished hostess
to entertain herself with Miss Edgeworth's latest romance, hot from the
printers, and to forget all about the children for the next two hours.
Her sense of duty was, alas! lulled by the seduction of the book and of
the place. On the previous evening Mr. Birdikin had jocularly remarked
to her that, if anybody felt inclined to rise early and gather
mushrooms, he thought he could relish a dish of them with his breakfast.
Miss Smith, anxious to make some return for all the consideration she
had received from her employer, had left her bed before six o'clock and
gathered the materials for the succulent repast. She had gladly forgone
the sleep which her somewhat delicate frame required; but it is perhaps
not to be wondered at that her present peaceful surroundings induced a
drowsiness to which, after fighting it for a time, she gave way. The
book dropped from her hand and she slept.

What was her surprise when she was presently awakened by the entry of
none other than Mr. and Mrs. Birdikin, who had decided themselves to
drive over and conduct their children home, anticipating before they did
so a pleasant hour in the company of the Countess and possibly the Earl,
with whom they were anxious to consolidate the excellent relationship
already inaugurated. The Earl, however, was abroad with his dogs and his
gun in pursuit of the elusive partridge, and his Lady had driven forth
in her chariot.

Mrs. Birdikin elected to sit in the house while her husband, followed
by Miss Smith, went in search of the children. Mr. Birdikin's brow was
dark as he elicited from the instructress an account of the
circumstances that had led to her forsaking the duty with which she had
been charged, but the constraint he habitually placed upon himself
prevented him at the moment from expressing himself upon it, and she
followed him in silence, deeply conscious of the weight of his not
undeserved displeasure.

The children were not at first to be found, but it was not long before
their gleeful shouts were heard coming from the direction of the
farmyard, and thither Mr. Birdikin and Miss Smith turned their
footsteps.

The scene that met their astonished gaze was such as to cause the cloud
upon Mr. Birdikin's brow to deepen. Upon a roughly-made raft in the
middle of a pond that adjoined the yard were gathered the Viscount
Firebolt and the Lady Mary, with Charles and Fanny. The other three
children were bombarding them from the bank with lumps of mud, some of
which they caught and returned with as much violence as could be
imparted by their immature muscles. As Mr. Birdikin debouched upon the
scene of combat from behind a barn, one of the gobbets, launched by the
hand of the Viscount Firebolt, made impact with his hat and knocked it
off his head.

[Illustration: _Upon a roughly-made raft were gathered the Viscount
Firebolt and the Lady Mary, with Charles and Fanny_]

Though going far beyond the bounds of courtesy, this action might have
been excused on account of the rank and youth of the assailant, but it
was immediately followed by the discharge of further missiles from all
the occupants of the raft, Charles and Fanny having lost all sense of
propriety from the example they had all too readily followed, or they
would scarcely have ventured thus to attack their own parent.

Nemesis, however, quickly overtook them. A blob of liquid mud thrown by
Fanny impinged upon Mr. Birdikin's eye, and when he had regained his
vision it was to see the raft overturned and the children immersed in
the pond.

The protective instinct of fatherhood overcame in Mr. Birdikin's breast
all other considerations. 'Save them! Save them!' he cried; and while
Miss Smith obediently waded into the muddy water to render what
assistance she could, he stood on the bank a prey to the liveliest
alarm.

It was fortunate that the pond was no more than two feet deep, or the
outrageous play could only have ended in tragedy. The children waded
ashore muddy and dripping, and, although Charles and Fanny were
sufficiently sobered by their immersion and the dread of what might be
in store for them, the climax seemed to afford the Viscount Firebolt and
the Lady Mary the height of amusement.

Mr. Birdikin did not conceive it to be his duty to administer rebuke to
the children of others, especially as those others were of a rank
superior to his own. He hurried Charles and Fanny back to the Castle in
order to beg for a change of clothing for them, and was fortunate enough
to find the Countess returned from her drive and in conversation with
Mrs. Birdikin. Her Ladyship made light of the occurrence and put the
wardrobe of her children at the disposal of the young Birdikins. To Mr.
Birdikin's surprise she showed more concern at the bedraggled state of
Miss Smith, and _herself_ took the governess upstairs to provide her
with the change of habiliments that was necessary, thus forgoing the
pleasure she might have gained from further converse with her visitors.

Fortunately for the Birdikin children the Countess begged that no
further notice should be taken of their delinquencies, and expressed the
hope that they would repeat their visit to the Castle on a future
occasion. Mr. Birdikin replied with an invitation to the young Firebolts
to come to Byron Grove, for, although he could not wholly approve of
their intemperate conduct, such was his breadth of mind and intense
loyalty to the hierarchy of Rank that he was able to overlook the
disquietudes of the afternoon in consideration of the closer contact
they had brought him with his highly-placed neighbours. He thought well,
however, on the homeward journey to warn Miss Smith that any further
dereliction of duty on _her_ part would lead to instant dismissal.




  CHAPTER VIII

  A TALK WITH MAMA


It was Mrs. Birdikin's exemplary habit to gather her children around her
on Sabbath afternoons and impart to them that moral instruction which
can best be impressed upon infant minds by maternal influence. A
_father's_ instructions were not missing in this happy and united
family, and disobedience to them was punished with a strong hand,
reinforced by rod, birch, or strap; but it is doubtful whether the more
persuasive method of a _mother_ was not as efficacious in implanting the
_desire_ to act aright without which correction is of little avail where
wills are stubborn and unregenerate natures have still to be purged of
moral obliquity.

'I propose for our exercise this afternoon,' said Mrs. Birdikin one
Sunday when the children had trooped into the parlour in obedience to
her summons, 'that we should follow the advice given to us by our worthy
curate in his discourse this morning. Can any child inform me of the
point to which I refer? You, Charles, as the eldest, shall speak first.'

[Illustration: _'I propose,' said Mrs. Birdikin, 'that we should follow
the advice given to us by our worthy curate'_]

But Charles was unable to give a satisfactory reply, and Mrs. Birdikin
gently rebuked him for indulging in wandering thoughts, remarking that a
clergyman who gave himself the trouble of delivering a discourse of an
hour's duration might at least expect some attention on the part of his
hearers. 'Come, now, Clara,' she said, 'you, I am sure, will have
brought something away with you worthy of engaging our thoughts.'

'To my mind,' replied Clara, 'the most striking utterance that fell from
Mr. Guff's lips was his description of the feelings of the prophet Jonah
on discovering himself in the whale's belly.'

'The word "belly",' said Mrs. Birdikin, 'though innocuous in the time of
the prophet Jonah, is not one that befits the lips of a female child in
our more enlightened era. But that was not the passage of Mr. Guff's
discourse that I had in mind.'

'Was it not, dear Mama,' inquired Henry, 'that advice of our good curate
to contribute of our means with a _willing_ spirit when called upon to
do so for a charitable object? I confess that it made such an impression
on me that, instead of contributing my usual halfpenny to the
collection, I deposited twice that amount in the plate.'

'And you were very careful that we should all see it,' said Fanny. 'I
conjecture that the passage to which you refer, Mama, was that in which
Mr. Guff advised his hearers not to esteem themselves better than they
were. I thought at the time that this was particularly applicable to
Henry.'

The old Adam was sufficiently strong in Henry to cause him to give a
tweak to Fanny's hair, in reply to which she put out her tongue at him.
But these exchanges were unnoticed by Mrs. Birdikin, who said, 'It was
the passage _following_ that advice which I had in mind. You will
remember perhaps that Mr. Guff said it would be well if we were all to
confess to others such misconduct as our consciences might from time to
time reproach us with. I propose, therefore, that we shall all in turn
search our memories for such lapses and bring them to light'.

The children appeared to be turning this suggestion over in their
minds, and Fanny inquired, 'Will any misconduct of which we make
confession be brought to the notice of our Papa?'

Mrs. Birdikin reassured her on this point, and Charles said brightly,
'Thank you, dear Mama, for devising so excellent a pastime for a wet
Sunday afternoon. I have my own transgression ready, but you must take
the lead by recounting one of yours'.

It is doubtful whether Mrs. Birdikin had had it in mind to make
confession of any lapse from right conduct on her own part, but she made
haste to reply, 'The faults of childhood, if not repented of at the
time, are apt to rise up in judgment against the transgressor when he or
she attains maturity. It is because I wish to spare you the pangs of
outraged conscience in after life that I will make known to you a
misdeed your mother committed in her early youth which has ever weighed
upon her and would be well-nigh insupportable if a lifetime of _right_
conduct had not withdrawn its sting.

'You must know, then, that when a young child not yet fully awakened to
the sacred rights of Property, a regrettable vanity caused me to
abstract from my Mama's dressing-table a brooch of considerable value
and to pin it on to my frock in the seclusion of my bedchamber. When the
brooch was missed I grew frightened and concealed it under a cauliflower
in the kitchen-garden. My excuse must be that I knew that it would be
discovered there when the gardener cut the vegetables. And so it was,
but, alas! the gardener's dishonesty was such that, on finding the
trinket, he sold it and retained the proceeds. The crime was eventually
brought home to him and the brooch recovered; but you may picture the
agony of mind I went through before this happy issue was brought about.
Nobody would believe the gardener's story that he had found the brooch
under a cauliflower, but until he was safely lodged in jail I hardly
knew a happy moment. Let this recital be a lesson to you, children,
never to depart so much as a hairbreadth from the paths of rectitude,
and, if you _are_ led astray, to make instant confession. Had I done so
in this instance I might, nay, probably _should_, have been punished,
but should have escaped such pangs of remorse as even now make me
shudder to look back upon.'

'Your confession, dear Mama,' said Charles, 'encourages me to substitute
a similar experience of my own for that which I had it in mind to
acknowledge. Two days ago I abstracted from my Papa's table a box of
lucifer matches, the half of which I have amused myself with striking.
It had not occurred to me to hide the box under a cauliflower, and I
shall now be glad to hand it to you and thus escape the distress of
mind, and possibly of body, which you have so feelingly described.'

'The confession I have to make,' said Clara, 'is that when my Papa
summoned us to attend him yesterday for examination in our course of
study I was employed in cutting out paper roses, and so far forgot
myself as to exclaim, "Oh, bother!"'

'My fault, I fear,' said Henry, 'was a graver one. Two days ago I espied
among the letters on the hall-table one addressed in the handwriting of
our governess to her aunt, Mrs. Clott, and, knowing that my Papa has
forbidden her to involve us in further communication with the wife of an
ironmonger, I wished to assure myself that his instructions had been
obeyed. I broke the seal of the letter, and, finding that it was free
from offence in that respect, though I regret to say that Miss Smith
made some complaint of the coldness of her bedchamber, I took wax and
sealed up the missive again.'

'Then you are a dirty little sneak and tell-tale-tit,' broke in Fanny,
'and when I grow up I shall not acknowledge you as my brother!'

'Hush, hush, Fanny!' said Mrs. Birdikin. 'The fault to which Henry has
confessed was a grave one, for it is not permitted to tamper with the
correspondence of others however lowly their position. But his desire to
satisfy himself that his father's wishes were carried out was not wholly
reprehensible, and he has now confessed his fault. Instead of sitting in
judgment on him do you confess one of your own, and let us judge which
is most to blame.'

Thus adjured, Fanny collected herself and said, 'I caught a hedgehog
yesterday just before my Papa called us in to him, and put it under a
flower-pot, intending to transfer it later on to Henry's bed. But when I
went out again the flower-pot was overturned and the hedgehog had
escaped'.

'There,' said Mrs. Birdikin, 'you have an instance of an _intended_ sin
prevented by an interposition of Providence. Would that _all_ faults
were thus made impossible of achievement!'

'But I didn't _want_ to be prevented,' said Fanny. 'I shall try to find
another hedgehog to-morrow.'

'In that case,' said Mrs. Birdikin, 'you will be suitably punished by
your father.'

'Now that we have all made our confession,' said Charles, 'I propose
that our dear Mama shall pronounce upon the best one. I should be
inclined myself to give the palm to her _own_ confession of a fault
which involved the punishment of another.'

'Indeed, Charles,' said Mrs. Birdikin with some indignation, 'it ill
becomes you to sit thus in judgment upon your mother, who has long since
repented of what was after all no very serious fault in a child not yet
of an age to estimate the seriousness of _all_ faults. No further notice
will be taken of the far more serious delinquencies to which you have
all confessed on this occasion, but look well to it that you mend your
ways or trouble will ensue.'

This ended the afternoon's instruction, but Mrs. Birdikin did not again
invite her children to a confession of faults for which she had promised
absolution beforehand, judging it better that they should be discovered
and dealt with in the usual way.




  [Illustration]

  CHAPTER IX

  AN ERRAND OF MERCY


One morning as the Birdikin family was seated at the breakfast-table,
the footman, John, who was usually as deft as he was willing in the
performance of his duties, earned more than one rebuke from his master
for his awkward handling of the implements of his service. At last, when
he had dropped and broken a valuable porcelain tea-cup, Mr. Birdikin
could no longer restrain his anger and ordered him from the room, saying
that he preferred to be waited upon by his children rather than submit
any longer to the ministrations of an _oaf_.

'I observed, dear Papa,' said Clara, the little Peacemaker, when the
footman had left the room in a burst of tears, 'that John's face was
pale and his hands trembled as he supplied us with our viands, and I
cannot forbear the impression that some serious stroke of misfortune has
befallen him.'

'I know what it is,' said Fanny. 'His mother was brought to bed two days
ago and yesterday his father fell from a tree and broke his thigh.'

'Let us repair at the earliest possible opportunity,' said Mrs.
Birdikin, 'to the abode of these poor people and take with us such
succour as our sense of benevolence may dictate. I apprehend, Mr.
Birdikin, that John's not unnatural solicitude on behalf of his parents
may on _this_ occasion excuse him for his departure from the conduct
that you rightly expect from him.'

'Indeed,' said Mr. Birdikin with a courteous inclination of the head
towards his helpmate, 'I would not for a moment impugn the promptings of
a heart so full of benignity as that of Mrs. Birdikin. John's offence
shall be wiped out by a deduction from his wages of the value of the
vessel he has destroyed. Let us consider the form which our charitable
contribution to the needs of these unfortunate people is to take. _You_,
I know, will supply from larder and pantry what will support the coarse
fare suitable to the station of cottagers when in health. _I_ will
contribute the bottle of port wine with which I should have regaled
myself yesterday evening had I not found it a trifle _corked_. Though
rendering it unsuitable to _my_ palate, the slight disqualification will
hardly be noticed by _theirs_.'

'I would recommend,' said Henry, 'that there should be included in our
charitable grant a bundle of assorted tracts, for, while the nourishment
of the _body_ must not be neglected, are we not taught that it is of
still more consequence that those in a position of superiority should
concern themselves with the _souls_ of those who owe them deference?'

This unworldly spirit, shown so early by one destined for the duties and
rewards of the clerical profession, could not but bring gratification to
Henry's parents. But Fanny, who had not yet undergone that conversion
from the promptings of her lower nature which in her brother's case was
already bringing forth such pious fruit, remarked, 'Would it not afford
more entertainment to the sufferers if Henry were to read to them from
the adventures of Spring-Heel Jack, with which he was regaling himself
in the wood-shed yesterday?'

Henry made haste to explain that he had found the publication mentioned
in a drawer in John's pantry, and had wished to assure himself that it
was fit for perusal by the footman; and Fanny was rebuked by her father
for her censorious reference to her brother's well-intentioned action.

Mr. Birdikin himself interrogated the footman upon the details of the
accident that had befallen his father, and did not rebuke him when a
further gush of tears testified to his gratitude for the benevolence so
abundantly shown by his strict but humane employer.

John's family occupied a cottage on the estate of Captain Rouseabout, in
whose service the father was employed as woodman. Mr. Birdikin's low
opinion of this gentleman, for such he was by _birth_, if not by
conduct, caused him to express a doubt whether the poor labourer's
misfortune might not bring upon him dismissal from his occupation. 'A
man of the reprehensible habits of our neighbour,' he said as he walked
towards the woodman's cottage with his wife and family, John the footman
following them at a respectful distance with the laden basket, 'is
usually devoid of all bowels of compassion. It would not surprise me to
learn that this man, who has suffered disablement in his master's
service, has already received notice to quit his cottage.'

'In that case, dear Papa,' said Clara, 'can you not provide him with one
until he is able to resume his employment, and take him into your _own_
service?'

'That, I fear, is impossible,' said Mr. Birdikin. 'Nor would it be
altogether desirable. Our humane laws provide food and shelter for those
of the lower orders who through no fault of their own have lost their
employment, and it would not be well to tamper with their working. As
long, however, as this family is allowed by Captain Rouseabout to
remain in their present situation I shall make it my duty to show him
that there are those who are eager to fly to the relief of distress, and
thus bring shame, if he is capable of such a feeling, upon one who is
ever ready to scoff and jeer at all tokens of high-minded conduct.'

The walk of over a mile seemed short to the little party intent upon
their charitable object, and ere long the woodman's lowly cot came into
view. A family of young children were playing in the neatly-kept garden,
and an older girl appeared at the doorway as Mr. Birdikin stepped up the
path and respectfully bade him and his lady enter, if it should be their
will to do so.

'My _will_,' said Mr. Birdikin, 'is ever to show that benevolence
towards the _deserving_ poor which is too often, alas! met with
ingratitude. I trust it will not be so in _this_ case. You, children,
will remain outside, for such abodes as this are apt to be the
breeding-ground of contagious disease, perilous to those delicately
nurtured. Damsel, lead on!'

Mr. and Mrs. Birdikin entered the cottage, followed by John with the
basket. The four children of the woodman stared at the young Birdikins
as if they had been visitants from heaven, as indeed they might well
have been, coming as they did on such an errand of mercy.

'Come,' said Charles, 'let us engage in a game of tag or hide-and-seek,
and see whose legs are fleetest.'

'Might not Henry prefer to take advantage of the situation to impart
some moral instruction to these children?' asked Fanny. But Henry
himself elected to play at hide-and-seek. Sides were formed and the air
soon rang with the gleeful shouts of the children, those of the woodman
quickly losing their awe of the gentility of their playmates.

Ten minutes or so had passed in the merry sport when Fanny, who had
been hiding behind a hedge, leaped from the bank into a grassy ride and
narrowly escaped being trampled underfoot by a horse, the approach of
which she had not noticed. The horse was bestridden by a gentleman, who
quickly reined it up and said, 'Halloa, my pretty little dear, do you
want your brains dashed out?' Without further ado he bent down and,
seizing the frightened child, set her in front of him on the saddle, at
the same time printing a resounding kiss on her infantile cheek.

[Illustration: _The horse was bestridden by a gentleman who said,
'Halloa, my pretty little dear'_]

What was Fanny's surprise, when she had so far recovered from her fright
as to steal a look at the somewhat rubicund and weather-beaten face of
her rescuer, to find that it was none other than that of Captain
Rouseabout, whom she had been taught to regard as in league with the
Evil One. But there are few, however debased, whose better natures are
not touched by the innocence of childhood. Upon hearing from Fanny of
her parentage and what had brought her hither, Captain Rouseabout
emitted a rude guffaw, but made no further comment. On reaching the gate
of the cottage, to which he tied his horse, after dismounting and
lifting Fanny from the saddle, he presented her with a bright sixpence,
accompanying the gift with the whispered remark, 'Not for the
missionaries', and another burst of uncouth laughter. Then he gave a
loud 'View-halloo!' and entered the cottage.

Fanny informed her brothers and sisters of the identity of the new
visitor, and the children lingered in the garden until their father and
mother emerged from the cottage and the steps of all were turned
homeward.

There was a cloud upon Mr. Birdikin's brow as the walk was commenced,
and he kept silence until Mrs. Birdikin said, 'I am glad at least that
these poor people are to be relieved from want until the breadwinner
can again pursue his avocation'.

Mr. Birdikin's brow cleared. 'But for our errand of mercy,' he said, 'it
is doubtful whether one so lost to all sense of propriety as Captain
Rouseabout would have exercised the clemency which has now been shamed
from him. His barefaced request to me to trust him to look after his own
people was a mere covering-up of his indebtedness to my example only to
be expected from such a man. Let us remove him from our thoughts.'

'I think,' said Fanny, 'that Captain Rouseabout is the most agreeable
gentleman I have ever met, and when I grow up I shall marry him.'




  CHAPTER X

  A GAME OF RED INDIANS


As the result of an invitation already given and accepted, the three
children of the Earl and Countess of Bellacres were brought over to
Byron Grove one afternoon to disport themselves with the young
Birdikins. It was unfortunate that the day originally fixed upon for
this entertainment was found to be inconvenient to the Countess, and she
had _herself_ written to Mrs. Birdikin _apologizing_ for any
inconvenience she might be put to, and proposing a date two days later.
For that afternoon the curate's two children, Thomas and Lucy, had been
invited, and Mr. Birdikin felt that it might not be congenial to the
Earl and Countess that their titled offspring should mix upon equal
terms with those of a clergyman who was not even beneficed. In ordinary
circumstances it would have been easy enough to put off the young Guffs,
but the curate and his wife were journeying into the next county, where
there was a question of his being preferred to a living, and Mr.
Birdikin, with that large-minded generosity which marked his dealings
with those who were, in whatever degree, dependent upon him, had
undertaken that their children should be under the care of Miss Smith
for the day. He judged that if these circumstances were _fully_
explained to the Countess she might not object to the merely temporary
intimacy, and bade Mrs. Birdikin assure her ladyship that a careful eye
should be kept on the curate's children, so that they should not
overstep the bounds of respect due from them to their high-born
playmates. He judged aright. No reply was received from the Countess,
but in the afternoon the Viscount Firebolt, the Lady Mary, and the
Honourable John Firebolt made their appearance at Byron Grove.

Mr. Birdikin himself received his young guests, and, standing upon the
steps of the porch, exhorted them, while making use of every opportunity
of _innocent_ enjoyment, to see that the afternoon should be free from
quarrelsome disputes or _mischievous_ play. He was proceeding to a
well-considered homily upon the duty laid on those of a _higher_
standing to set a good example to those of a _lower_, when the Viscount
Firebolt, edging towards him, tipped his hat over his nose and then,
with a loud whoop, raced away, to be immediately followed by Thomas
Guff, who so far forgot what was owing to his and his parents'
benefactor as to echo the cry of derision raised by the author of this
unseemly prank. And such, alas! was the force of bad example that _all_
the children joined in the precipitate flight and Mr. Birdikin was left
alone with Miss Smith, whom he adjured to follow them and to warn them
that any _further_ insubordination would result in the _curate's_
children being sent home and his _own_ feeling the full force of his
hand.

Miss Smith had endeared herself to her young pupils by her readiness to
join in their infantile sports, and they were accustomed to look to her
for the invention of the games from which enjoyment could be derived in
the hours not devoted to study. This was not understood by the Viscount
Firebolt, who, when Miss Smith was seen approaching them, said, 'We
don't want a governess interfering with us. Let us run away'.

He was enlightened by Henry, who said, 'Miss Smith, though of a birth
more allied to that of Thomas and Lucy than of ourselves, is well
capable of taking a lead in our diversions'.

The slighting reference to him and his sister caused Thomas to strike
Henry upon the nose with his fist, and when Miss Smith arrived upon the
scene the two boys were rolling upon the ground in vigorous combat,
while the Viscount Firebolt was dancing about in high glee, squaring his
fists and offering to 'take on' Charles, or Charles and his own brother
together, and the Lady Mary was inviting Clara, Fanny, and Lucy to an
embroilment by no means suitable for female children.

Miss Smith parted the combatants and secured a temporary peace by
suggesting a game of Red Indians, which fell in with the inclinations of
the young Firebolts as providing opportunities for the mimic warfare in
which their energy and spirit exulted. Sides were chosen and the happy
play, on lines laid down by Miss Smith, was set in hand.

An hour later Mr. Birdikin, wishing to assure himself that the
children's play was proceeding in orderly fashion, came out into the
garden and, hearing no sounds to inform him of their whereabouts,
proceeded along a shrubbery path in search of them.

What was his surprise upon coming to a clearing among the thickly
growing shrubs and trees to find the inanimate form of Miss Smith
stretched upon the grass, her wrists and ankles pegged to the ground,
her position only saved from indelicacy by her skirts being decorously
disposed to cover the latter.

Mr. Birdikin had no time to conjecture what outrage was in contemplation
upon the apparently lifeless governess, for, without any previous sound
to warn him, a cloth was thrown over his head, his hat, already the mark
of attack, being knocked off, and a rope passed round his body,
pinioning his arms to his sides. It was not until he was thus rendered
helpless that the silence was broken by a series of piercing yells,
imitating those in use by savages, his legs were tripped under him, and
he sat heavily on the sward with a jolt that caused him acute discomfort
and no less annoyance.

It must be explained that the play had reached the point at which Miss
Smith, representing the wife of the settler, had been captured by the
Red Indians, who had disposed of her in the manner already described
near the arbour, which stood for the settlers' cabin. After a certain
interval she was to raise her voice in cries that would attract the
_white_ men to her rescue. The _Reds_ would then spring upon them from
an ambush and a fight would ensue in which all the Indians would finally
be killed, coming to life again in order to partake with their captors
of the refreshment that by this time would have been brought to the
arbour.

It was at the most critical moment of this ingenious play that Mr.
Birdikin arrived upon the scene and was dealt with in the way already
described. Had his reception been of a less ungentle nature he might
well have joined in the sport, for his sense of parental authority by no
means prevented his occasionally unbending with his children, and his
gift of jocularity was often used to enliven his intercourse with them.
But the outrageous liberty taken with his person was very far from the
respectful and appreciative attitude which he expected when he unbent so
far as to jest with them, and it was soon made apparent by his struggles
and the sounds that came from under the cloth which enveloped his head
that he was not now in the mood for frolic.

It was Miss Smith, throwing off her own shackles, who came to his rescue
and released him from his ignominious bonds. But this was not done
without loud protest from the attacking savages. Mr. Birdikin's _own_
children would hardly have ventured to disregard the signs of his
displeasure, but the young Firebolts and Thomas Guff did their best to
impede Miss Smith in her exercise of release. When Mr. Birdikin's eyes
were free to see, his mouth to utter, and his hand to strike, he caught
the curate's son a sound buffet on the side of the head. 'Depart from my
presence, graceless boy!' he ordered him. 'Your parents shall be
informed of the infamous conduct with which you reward my bounties.'

[Illustration: _'Depart from my presence, graceless boy'_]

Lucy, a gentle timid child, burst into tears at this pronouncement of
her brother's disgrace, and the young Viscount Firebolt, who had chosen
her to represent his _squaw_, spoke up boldly. 'If _he_ goes, _I_ go,'
said the young nobleman or nobleman-to-be. 'My _own_ father would not
thus bear himself towards one who was but taking his part in a _game_.'

Mr. Birdikin's nimbleness of wit and the self-control which he
habitually practised came instantly to his aid. He smiled paternally and
said, 'I did not apprehend that I was being invited to a game of
make-believe. The introduction was a thought too sudden. Play on,
children. Play on!'

With that he turned on his heel, picked up his hat, and left them. Nor
did he afterwards visit his displeasure upon the delinquents, except in
rebuking Miss Smith for encouraging _roughness_ of play and for the
questionable state in which he found her.

'If you do not respect _yourself_,' he said, 'you cannot win respect
from _others_. Pray take a lesson from my _own_ method of dealing with
the late occurrences and seek to acquire that _dignity_ of bearing which
alone can raise you in the world and cause your deficiencies to be
overlooked.




  [Illustration]

  CHAPTER XI

  AN UNFORTUNATE ENCOUNTER


Although his _own_ status as a man of property was well established, Mr.
Birdikin had relatives whose position in the world was less
distinguished. One of these was a widowed aunt, whose husband had
amassed a considerable fortune in _Trade_. Such a connection could not
but be abhorrent to Mr. Birdikin's nice sense of social values, but he
judged it right, in view of her testamentary dispositions, not to
withdraw his countenance from Mrs. Purport, or Aunt Maria as she was
designated in the family circle, and she was a not infrequent visitor to
Byron Grove.

On the occasion of one such visit an expedition was made to the seaside
town of X, Mr. and Mrs. Birdikin, with Mrs. Purport, Henry, Clara, and
Fanny, being transported in the family chariot, and Charles riding his
pony, which by this time he was well capable of controlling.

Aunt Maria, who, although approaching her allotted span of life, was of
a buoyant and sprightly nature, insisted upon enlivening the journey
with song, in which she encouraged the children to join. Mr. Birdikin
thought well to humour her so long as their route lay along country
roads upon which there were few travellers, and lifted his rich baritone
in the chorus of 'With a rumti-tumti-toodli-oo' with which each stanza
terminated, to the delight of the children, who were not accustomed to
see their parent in rollicksome mood, and lifted their own voices in
still shriller chorus in consequence.

The road to X ran past the stately entrance-gates to Bellacre Castle,
and Mr. Birdikin requested that the singing should cease as they neared
them. But this did not suit Aunt Maria, who broke into another stave in
praise of various alcoholic beverages, of which Mr. Birdikin would not
have approved in any case in the presence of young children. The refrain
of this ditty, however, which contented itself with lauding the
properties of barley, hops, and vines, he found unobjectionable, and,
upon being prodded in the ribs by his relative's elbow, he trolled out
the harmless words, and, when the gates giving entrance to Bellacre
Castle were passed, elevated his hat upon his stick to indicate that he
was in accord with the _spirit_ of rejoicing to which Aunt Maria was
giving expression.

But what was his dismay when, upon turning a corner, they came full upon
the Earl and Countess of Bellacre, who were taking a morning airing with
their dogs.

A veil must be drawn over the feelings of Mr. Birdikin at this
encounter. Even Bodger, the coachman, prompted by the general atmosphere
of hilarity, was joining in the chorus and waving his whip. The
dignified equipage which he was driving might have been a hired vehicle
devoted to the low-bred joviality of a party of excursionists for all
that an observer could have told. His Lordship, however, though no
doubt surprised by what he saw and heard, was pleased to convey a
greeting to his neighbour by waving his own hat and giving tongue to a
'View-halloo' as the carriage was driven past him. Mr. Birdikin's
feelings were somewhat soothed by this act of courtesy from a nobleman
in whose opinion he was anxious to stand well; but they were now
approaching the confines of X and he exercised his authority to forbid
any further exercise of vociferation.

This was made the more easy because Mrs. Purport had been struck by the
appearance of the Earl and Countess, and desired information about them.
This Mr. Birdikin supplied, informing her with the dignity and modesty
which became him that, while claiming no equality of _rank_ with his
distinguished neighbours, he was yet on terms of close intimacy with
them.

'Then why, pray,' inquired Mrs. Purport, bridling, 'have you never made
me acquainted with his Lordship and her Ladyship? Ain't I good enough?'

Mr. Birdikin was dispensed for the moment from meeting this inquiry by
Clara, who, aware that her father might welcome a change of subject,
said, 'Now that we are going to X, may we not, dear Papa, pay a visit to
our kind friend, Mrs. Clott?'

It has already been related how Mrs. Clott, a relative of Miss Smith,
who filled the position of governess at Byron Grove, had entertained the
Birdikin children on a previous visit to X. The fact, however, that her
husband was engaged in retail trade as an ironmonger had made any
pursuance of the acquaintanceship impossible, and Mr. Birdikin said
firmly, 'Your request, Clara, shows you to be as yet unaware of the
barriers erected by Providence between people of birth and property and
those whose avocations involve the handling of commodities in the way
of _trade_. In her own sphere of life Mrs. Clott is no doubt a worthy
God-fearing woman, but that sphere does not permit of her mixing on
terms of social equality with those above her, alike in the estimation
of the world and the sight of Heaven. Nor, I am sure, would she wish
it'.

'I love Mrs. Clott and could wish she were my aunt,' said Fanny, who was
beginning to exhibit a rebellious spirit against the utterances of
parental authority which would need a strong hand applied to her person
to put down if persisted in.

Mr. Birdikin was about to intimate as much when Henry interpolated the
remark, 'For my part I am content with my Aunt Maria in that
relationship. The benefits she is pleased to shower upon us in the form
of candies, comfits, and lollipops merit a return of gratitude on _our_
part which is ill-represented by praise of a Mrs. Clott, who occupies,
as my Papa has pointed out, a far inferior position in society.'

This speech was not unpleasing to Mrs. Purport, who liked the benefits
she conferred to be suitably acknowledged. 'Who is this Mrs. Clott?' she
inquired. 'My dear husband had a relative of that name employed in the
hardware industry. Can it be that these are one and the same?'

Further elucidation indicated that it was indeed so, and upon their
arrival at X Mrs. Purport insisted upon being driven straight to the
establishment in which Mr. Clott carried on a thriving trade in
ironmongery, both for agricultural and domestic use. Mr. Birdikin's
feelings amounted well-nigh to anguish as he was compelled to take in
his the hand of a man who wiped it upon an apron before offering it, and
the glass of sherry wine with which he was presently forced to regale
himself in Mrs. Clott's parlour went very near to choking him.

[Illustration: _Mr. Birdikin's feelings amounted wellnigh to anguish_]

He did not see his way to expostulating against this affront to his
dignity so long as he was actually in the presence of Mr. and Mrs.
Clott, but on the homeward journey he did venture to point out to Mrs.
Purport that for a man in his position, accepted on terms of intimacy by
such as the Earl of Bellacre, a connection, however distant, which the
chance of marriage had brought with a person in Mr. Clott's lowly sphere
must at all costs be kept from public knowledge.

To which Aunt Maria replied, in the language which, unfortunately, she
was all too ready to use within hearing of the children, 'That's all my
eye and Betty Martin. If you want to see the colour of my money when I'm
gone----'

But this was too much. By an immediate loud clearing of the throat Mr.
Birdikin prevented the conclusion of her speech from being heard, and,
in despair of creating a diversion by any other means, himself broke
into the chorus of a song, in which he was followed by the children. The
immediate danger of _their_ hearing anything unfitted for their infant
ears was averted, but the disturbance caused by Aunt Maria's claiming of
relationship with those of an inferior order was not yet at an end, as a
further chapter will show.




  CHAPTER XII

  AN AMATEUR CONJURER


It has been recounted how Mr. Birdikin's relative, Mrs. Purport, or Aunt
Maria, had discomposed him by claiming acquaintanceship with a tradesman
of the name of Clott, whose wife was an aunt of Miss Smith, the resident
instructress of the young Birdikins. Mr. Birdikin's annoyance at having
been forced into this contiguity was tempered by the consideration that
to keep Aunt Maria in good humour would react favourably upon the terms
of her last will and testament; but he felt that even this might be
purchased at too dear a price when she requested that Mr. and Mrs. Clott
should be invited to _dine_ at Byron Grove.

'I beg you to consider,' he said in dignified protest, 'that my humble
board has been graced by none except those of established position. It
is true that on rare occasions I have bidden our excellent curate and
his wife to partake of a repast here, for I hold that Mr. Guff's sacred
office renders him a fit object for discriminating hospitality. But to
receive an _ironmonger_ and his wife at Byron Grove, this would be to
turn my back upon all the principles which I have sought to uphold, not
only for my sake and that of my wife, whose maternal uncle, as you are
aware, holds episcopal office and must be preserved from contamination
by the vulgar herd, but of my innocent children, whom I have ever
striven to bring up unsullied by contact with anything _low_.'

To which Aunt Maria replied, 'Hoity toity! Have you forgotten,
Zephaniah Birdikin, that our grandfather began life with a pick and
shovel?'

This statement caused Mr. Birdikin's cheek to blanch. It was true that
the wealth that he had inherited had come from the successful enterprise
of a contractor, who may or may not have commenced life in humble
circumstances. Mr. Birdikin preferred to assume that he had _not_, and
was well aware that Aunt Maria was only assuming the contrary for
quizzical reasons. 'Surely,' he said, 'for your _own_ sake you could not
wish such an idea to get abroad. You have been received with respect and
affection into the bosom of my family, generous tokens of your own
affection have been showered upon my children. Think well, I beseech
you, before you blast their blameless lives with such a stigma.'

'Blast my eye!' replied Aunt Maria, who, however, was not unmoved by
this manly and earnest appeal. ''Twill do your children no harm to make
friends with an obliging woman like Mrs. Clott, who is own mother's
sister to your excellent Miss Smith. As for Mr. Clott, he is a man of
merry humour, and if I have a fault to find with Byron Grove it is that
life here is lacking in diversion. If you do not see your way to
obliging me in this matter I shall cut short my visit and go to those
who have a livelier sense of what is owing to me.'

Mr. Birdikin knew well that this was a reference to some relatives of
the late Mr. Purport, whom he suspected of designs upon Aunt Maria's
property. To save her from being imposed upon, therefore, he gave way.
'I cannot consent,' he said, 'to receive Mr. and Mrs. Clott in person,
but a visit from Mrs. Birdikin and myself to her uncle the Bishop is
long since overdue. I will apprise his Lordship that we will drive over
to P----chester on whatever day next week will be convenient to him,
and on that day, which _we_ shall spend in the most elevated society,
_you_ may engage yourself in entertaining a Mr. and Mrs. Clott.'

'I shall prefer your room to your company,' said Aunt Maria; and the
matter was so arranged.

On the afternoon appointed Mr. and Mrs. Clott drove over from X and
partook of the hospitality offered them by Mrs. Purport at Mr.
Birdikin's expense. The dinner provided for them was such as to do
credit to his establishment, and he had himself produced from his cellar
the wines which he thought suitable for the entertainment of Mr. Clott.
They were not such as he would have put before a guest of a higher
quality, but Mr. Clott was enlivened by them to the extent of producing
for the company several little tricks of juggling with oranges, napkins,
wine-glasses, and the like, which caused infinite delight to Aunt Maria
and to the Birdikin children, who with Miss Smith had been permitted to
partake of the repast.

At five o'clock the ladies and the children arose from the table, and
Mr. Clott was left to the degustation of a bottle of port wine, with
strict injunctions to join them in the garden in not later than an
hour's time to partake of tea in the arbour and, if he was so minded, to
give them further proof of his ingenuity as an amateur conjurer.

With this request he willingly complied. He demanded a hat, a rabbit,
three silk handkerchiefs of different colours, a watch, half a dozen
eggs, and some other properties. These were produced for him by the
children and he proceeded to perform the most prodigious feats with
them. One that was much admired was to wrap up the gold repeater watch
which Fanny had obligingly procured from her father's dressing-table in
the three handkerchiefs, and with a flick of the fingers to produce
these tied together, the watch having disappeared.

At this moment a chariot drove up to the door, in view of the little
company assembled in the arbour, from which alighted the Earl and
Countess of Bellacre and their children, who had come to pay a visit to
their neighbours at Byron Grove. It was explained to them by Charles,
who very properly took the place of his father in this emergency, that
the return of his parents was momentarily expected, and on his
invitation the high-born visitors condescendingly made themselves part
of the audience of Mr. Clott's final exploit.

This was to break the six eggs into Mr. Birdikin's hat, to stir them
with a silver spoon, and to produce an omelette of the kind which Mr.
Clott assured his audience they had never seen before.

He had broken three of the eggs when another chariot drove up, and the
trick was interrupted for Mr. and Mrs. Birdikin to be apprised of the
honour conferred upon them by their aristocratic neighbours and to adapt
themselves as far as possible to the awkward situation that had arisen
in consequence of their finding themselves obliged to share the
hospitality of Byron Grove with Mr. and Mrs. Clott. In reply to his
explanations the Earl affably intimated that he was quite satisfied with
his company and begged that the trick that had been interrupted should
now proceed.

The interruption, however, had withdrawn Mr. Clott's attention from his
apparatus, and the Viscount Firebolt had taken advantage of it to break
the three remaining eggs into the hat. Instead of proceeding
triumphantly to the consummation of his ingenious feat, Mr. Clott was
forced to explain that he himself had only _appeared_ to break eggs into
the hat, and that the subsequent interference had spoilt not only the
hat but the trick. 'What my magic was designed to produce,' he said,
'from the beating up of these eggs was the watch which had disappeared
from your sight a short while ago. But I suspect that the watch itself
has been abstracted by one of the company, and I must request you all to
keep your seats while I bring the culprit to light.'

He then proceeded to feel the pockets not only of the children but of
the Earl and of Mr. Birdikin, who could scarcely contain his annoyance
at this further mark of disrespect from a man whom he would have
expected to be covered with confusion at the situation in which he found
himself.

But Mr. Clott had recovered his self-possession. 'I should hardly have
expected,' he said, 'that a _lady_ would have so far forgotten herself
as to conceal about her person a valuable watch that does not belong to
her, but I must at all costs restore it to its rightful owner.'

He then affected to search the children and Miss Smith. If he had
essayed to lay hands upon the Countess or upon Mrs. Birdikin, Mr.
Birdikin could scarcely have restrained himself from bringing the
indecent buffoonery to an end. But he proceeded to experiment upon the
person of Aunt Maria, and triumphantly produced the watch as it were
from under her cap.

[Illustration: _He proceeded to experiment upon the person of Aunt
Maria, and triumphantly produced the watch_]

Aunt Maria shrieked with laughter at this result, especially when Mr.
Clott restored the watch to Mr. Birdikin and invited him as a magistrate
to charge Mrs. Purport with its theft. The Earl and Countess also showed
themselves amused, and invited Mr. Clott to exhibit his tricks at
Bellacre Castle on the occasion of a village fte which was to be held
there in the following week.

It was to invite Mr. and Mrs. Birdikin and their children to participate
in this entertainment that they had come to Byron Grove, and they
graciously included Mrs. Purport in the invitation before taking their
leave.

Mr. Birdikin was therefore somewhat consoled for the untoward
circumstances in which he had been involved. Fanny was chastised for
taking the watch from his room, and Charles for producing the hat,
which could not be worn again, and Mr. Birdikin expressed himself
strongly to Miss Smith over the indecorous behaviour of her relative.
But to his surprise Miss Smith did not take his strictures in the
submissive spirit to which he had been accustomed from her. The reason
for this change of attitude on her part will be explained in a further
chapter.




  [Illustration]

  CHAPTER XIII

  MISS SMITH GIVES NOTICE


Miss Smith, though a competent and conscientious instructress of youth,
was unfitted by a constitutional delicacy of frame to control the
unruliness or turbulence to which children are sometimes addicted. She
was not, however, subjected to much of this at Byron Grove, for she had
succeeded in gaining the _affection_ of her young charges; and if at any
time Charles or Fanny, the one by a natural exuberance of spirit, the
other by some innate hostility to authority, showed an inclination
towards impropriety of conduct, they could usually be curbed by the
threat of reporting their conduct to their father. For Mr. Birdikin kept
in his own hands the _chastisement_ of his children, and as his hand was
heavy and his wrist supple, they preferred not to submit themselves to
the risk of his displeasure. Clara's tractability of disposition and
Henry's strong sense of what was required of him as a future clerical
overseer of morals rendered them less liable to these outbreaks of
insubordination; but there was still something of the old Adam not yet
eradicated from Henry's nature, and it happened sometimes that he set
himself to annoy Miss Smith in the exercise of her duties out of a
contrariety of spirit which he would have been the first to deplore in
others.

One morning Miss Smith arose with a headache which made it necessary for
her to call up all her sense of duty in order to fulfil the tasks of the
morning. She set the children to their copy-books and sat herself in a
chair by the open window, hoping that the interval of rest and the fresh
air would ease her headache and enable her to carry out the rest of her
duties with less distress to herself. She closed her eyes for a few
minutes, and when she arose to overlook the work done by her pupils she
was already feeling better.

It was Miss Smith's custom to allow the children to choose their own
sentences for the exercise of calligraphy. She then wrote them out in a
fair hand and they copied them. This morning Henry had chosen the
inspiring words of Admiral Viscount Nelson: 'England expects every man
to do his duty', but when she came to overlook his copy she found that
he had changed this to 'England expects Miss Smith to do her duty', with
the iteration of which he was filling a page of his book.

Miss Smith's indisposition had induced in her an irritability which was
alien to her usual disposition. 'You are a saucy, shameless boy,' she
said indignantly, 'and you will come at once with me to your father, who
will deal with you as you deserve.'

Mr. Birdikin had dined the evening before with a party of gentlemen who
had met in the neighbouring town to celebrate the recent defeat of
Napoleon Bonaparte, and, although his potations had not been carried to
the extent of actual insobriety, he had somewhat relinquished his
habitual moderation in honour of so auspicious an occasion. He was
feeling disinclined for mental effort this morning, and was not best
pleased at the invasion of his privacy by Miss Smith, who found him
stretched on a couch with a cushion under his head and a bottle of
soothing waters at his elbow. His strong sense of duty, however, caused
him to rise from his recumbent position to receive the complaint of the
governess; and, if he had judged it well-founded, he was in such a mood
that Henry would not have been able to adopt a sitting posture without
discomfort for some time to come.

Henry, however, when asked to justify his conduct, said that Miss Smith
had set him and his brother and sisters to a task and gone to sleep
while they were pursuing it. He had intended no impertinence towards
her, but had thought it incumbent upon him to bring her to a sense of
the duty she was neglecting by the exercise of a gentle irony, which he
had not expected her to take so amiss as to disturb his father by
recounting it.

Mr. Birdikin, who exercised such stern control over his own actions,
could hardly be expected to overlook the lapse thus brought to his
notice of one who was actually receiving money from him, as well as
warmth, food, and lodging, and the most exquisite consideration from
those in a _far_ superior station to her own, for the services which she
was now shown to have neglected. Miss Smith declared that she had not
slept, but merely closed her eyes for a few minutes to relieve the pain
in her head; but Mr. Birdikin waved this excuse aside. 'It is your
duty,' he said to Henry, 'to bring any delinquency you may observe in
those about you to _my_ notice, and I will not permit you to take upon
yourself the duties of correction or reprimand, which are the
prerogative of your elders. You will go back and write out the sentence
which you were set to copy twenty times, and inform your brother and
sisters that they are at liberty to disport themselves in the garden
until they are summoned indoors again. Miss Smith, if you will kindly
indulge me by taking a seat, I have certain observations to make which
I do not wish to undermine the authority given to you by recounting in
the presence of one of your pupils.'

[Illustration: _'I will not permit you to take upon yourself the duties
of correction or reprimand'_]

But a short time before this delicate recognition of the position
accorded to her in Mr. Birdikin's family would have received nothing but
grateful acknowledgment from Miss Smith. It has already been stated,
however, that she had begun to show herself less submissive to his
strictures than heretofore, and the reason for this must shortly be
told.

Mrs. Clott, Miss Smith's maternal aunt, was desirous that her niece
should pay her a long visit at the seaside town of X in order that a
respite from duties which, however congenial to her, had already
affected her health should restore her for another period of usefulness.
When Miss Smith had said that she was treated with such consideration at
Byron Grove that she was unwilling to incommode her generous patrons by
leaving their service, Mrs. Clott had replied, with a directness of
speech that had shocked her at the time, that Mr. and Mrs. Birdikin were
taking advantage of her tractability to work her to death, and if she
could not stand up to them she had better leave them altogether. After
further conversation with her aunt, Miss Smith had promised that she
would not permit herself to be 'put upon', as Mrs. Clott expressed it,
any further; and she was now prepared to resist the censure that Mr.
Birdikin was evidently preparing for her, while treating him with the
respect to which he was entitled as her employer.

'I opine,' said Mr. Birdikin, when Henry had left the room, 'that the
time has come to talk plainly, Miss Smith. I have observed in you of
late a distinct deterioration both in behaviour and in morals, the
former showing itself by your lately acquired habit of _answering back_
when I have had occasion to address you in reprimand, the latter by such
an example as has just been brought to light of a reprehensible laxity
in the performance of the duties with which you are entrusted. I should
not be fulfilling my _own_ duty if I did not warn you in unmistakable
terms that this cannot go on. This warning will be the last. If you do
not mend your ways, Miss Smith, you can no longer remain at Byron Grove
as a member of my household.'

Though aware of a trembling of her lower limbs, Miss Smith steeled
herself against the severity of a man to whom she had always looked up
with respect and even veneration. 'I think, sir,' she said, 'that you do
me an injustice. But if you consider that I am no longer worthy of your
confidence I should prefer to relinquish my position here.'

'And pray, Miss Smith,' inquired Mr. Birdikin, 'what do you propose to
do to earn your living if you leave my employ under the cloud of my
displeasure? Let me tell you that you would have small chance of gaining
employment elsewhere, and none whatever in a family of such distinction
as this.'

Miss Smith informed him of the offer made to her by her aunt. He heard
her out with the courtesy he was accustomed to exercise towards his
inferiors, but, when she had finished, could not forbear from expressing
the indignation which her recital had aroused. 'And it is for _this_,
Miss Smith,' he exclaimed, 'that you so lightly throw aside the
patronage that has been so generously accorded to you? Can it be that
under the protection of a Mrs. Clott you will not bitterly rue the
benefits showered upon you here, in which no account has been taken of
your indifferent birth and your family connection with a retail
tradesman? Out upon such ingratitude, I say! It makes me wellnigh
despair of human nature.'

This address reduced Miss Smith to tears, but she was unable to feel it
wholly deserved, and a streak of obstinacy in her otherwise pliant
disposition led her to leave Mr. Birdikin's presence with her departure
from Byron Grove decided upon.

A happier turn, however, was to be given to this disturbance on the
morrow, as will be recounted in the following chapter.




  CHAPTER XIV

  MISS SMITH REMAINS


It has been recounted how Miss Smith, who had filled the position of
governess at Byron Grove for three years past, had refused to accept Mr.
Birdikin's censure upon what he had considered a lapse of duty on her
part, and had given him notice of the severance of her engagement.

Upon the conclusion of the interview Mr. Birdikin, who was in a state of
some heat at what he felt to have been an act of ingratitude on the part
of Miss Smith for all the benefits he had showered upon her, sought out
his helpmate and made her acquainted with what had happened.

Mrs. Birdikin usually saw eye to eye with her husband in what concerned
the administration of their joint establishment, but in this instance
she felt that he had intruded upon what was rightly a _woman's_ sphere,
and that if Miss Smith had so acted that her dismissal was called for it
should have been left to herself to bring it about. But she thought from
what he had told her that the governess was to be exonerated from having
failed in her duty, and that he had not used his judgment rightly in
visiting his displeasure upon her in the presence of one of her pupils.

'The fact is, Mr. Birdikin,' she said, 'that after your potations of
last night you were not in a fit state to judge the rights and wrongs of
an affair of this kind; and if you cannot dine out alone without
exceeding your usual allowance of wine, which you are well aware has a
deleterious effect upon your liver and kidneys, to say nothing of your
_head_, I would recommend you for the future to take your dinner at
home, where your wife can keep an eye on you.'

Mr. Birdikin, who had not yet recovered his customary poise, felt
himself incapable for the moment of coping with strictures which he
judged undeserved. Anxious to propitiate his wife, he said, 'But, my
dear, I have not yet told you that Miss Smith has received an invitation
from her aunt, Mrs. Clott, to take up her abode with her for a time, and
is desirous of accepting it. It was my righteous indignation at so base
a piece of ingratitude on her part as to wish to put herself under the
protection of an _ironmonger_ and his wife, instead of continuing to
enjoy the patronage of such as ourselves, that led me to act as I am
sure _you_ would have acted if you had been brought face to face with
such a situation.'

'I should have done nothing of the sort,' said Mrs. Birdikin. 'I have
always found Miss Smith respectful in her manners and willing to oblige.
A more experienced governess, to whom, I would remind you, you would pay
twice the salary that contents Miss Smith, would not be willing to
assist me in those household duties which my delicate state of health
renders it inadvisable that I should perform myself. If Miss Smith
leaves this house we shall not only have to engage another governess
but, unless we are fortunate enough to secure a second Miss Smith,
another maid.'

Mr. Birdikin, with that suppleness of mind which tempered his gifts of
resolution and self-control, instantly divined the right course to be
pursued. It was left for Mrs. Birdikin to interview Miss Smith and to
persuade her, if persuasion were needed, to withdraw her notice and
remain in her present position at Byron Grove.

In the meantime Miss Smith had informed her young pupils of her
approaching departure; and so much had she endeared herself to them that
their lamentations could only bring solace to a mind somewhat
exacerbated by her late interview with her employer. Clara burst into
tears, Charles vowed in high-spirited resolve that if Miss Smith left
them he should run away, and Fanny incontinently set upon Henry, whom
she accused of 'sneaking', and was not parted from him until she had
scored his face with her nails and pulled out a lock of his hair.

[Illustration: _Fanny incontinently set upon Henry, who she accused of
'sneaking'_]

Such insubordination would normally have been dealt with severely by Mr.
Birdikin, but he was disinclined for the physical exertion that
chastisement would have involved, and told Henry, who made complaint to
him, that if he could not contrive to make his manhood respected by his
sisters he must abide the consequences. Mrs. Birdikin reprimanded Fanny
for her unmaidenly attack, but when the latter said that she wished the
damage to Henry's face had been still greater because of his driving
Miss Smith away from them, she informed her that there had been a
misapprehension and that she hoped that Miss Smith would be persuaded to
stay.

This was repeated to the governess, who could not but be sensible of
Mrs. Birdikin's condescension in mentioning _persuasion_ where she was
accustomed to _command_, though in _this_ instance a command could not
have been given.

It cannot be said what would have been the result of the parley between
Mrs. Birdikin and Miss Smith if it had taken place earlier in the day.
Mrs. Birdikin intimated that she required the attendance of the
governess at a certain hour, and before that hour arrived Miss Smith had
received a letter by the afternoon post which gave another turn to the
circumstances.

Mrs. Birdikin received her reclining on a sofa, and showed in a
gratifying manner that the interview was to be conducted with toleration
on her part by requesting Miss Smith to take a seat instead of keeping
her standing before her.

'I am persuaded, Miss Smith,' she said when the governess had seated
herself, 'that your explanation was the true one, and that you were
guilty of no such dereliction of duty as Mr. Birdikin somewhat hastily
laid to your charge. It will be enough for you, I trust, if I express my
regret that he should have misapprehended what was reported to him, and
to request that you will withdraw the notice that I understand, in the
perhaps natural heat of the moment, you gave him.'

'Indeed, madam,' said Miss Smith, 'it would ill become me to turn a deaf
ear to such an appeal from one to whom I have always looked up with
respect. But, acting on the advice of my kind aunt, I am proposing to
take a month's holiday under her care, after which she is of opinion
that I should take another situation elsewhere.'

This speech, which showed an amount of independence that Mrs. Birdikin
was not accustomed to from the governess, was not pleasing to that lady.
'And pray where, Miss Smith,' she inquired, repeating the warning
already given by Mr. Birdikin, 'do you expect to find a situation in a
family so highly placed as this if you make application for it from the
address of a woman who, however respectable, lives over a _shop_?'

'I have no need to make such an application, madam,' said Miss Smith. 'I
have received a gracious letter from the Countess of Bellacre, who, in
conversation with my aunt, learnt that I might be leaving your
establishment, and now offers me the situation of governess to the
Viscount Firebolt, the Lady Mary, and the Honourable John.'

To say that Mrs. Birdikin was surprised at this information would be to
understate her feelings. She conveyed it at once to her husband, whose
estimation of Miss Smith was advanced several degrees by this signal
mark of esteem conferred upon her by his aristocratic neighbours.

Mr. Birdikin felt that Miss Smith must at all costs be dissuaded from
transferring her valuable services from Byron Grove to Bellacre Castle.
Accordingly he made a manly appeal to her not to throw upon him the onus
of ruining the educational prospects of his innocent children by the
necessity of finding another instructress, who could not be expected to
possess the same high standard of scholastic attainment of which he was
so conscious in herself. Learning from her the stipend offered by the
Countess, and finding it more than double what he had paid her himself,
he undertook to advance her emoluments to that figure. Mrs. Birdikin
added her feminine appeal to his. She said that she had long been
projecting a change from the attic that Miss Smith had occupied to a
bedroom where she could have a fire should the inclemency of the weather
require it, and intimated that for the future it would give her pleasure
if the governess would take her meals with her young charges in the
dining-room instead of having them served to her apart.

It is doubtful whether these tokens of an improved status, gratifying as
they were, would have prevailed upon Miss Smith to forgo her project of
resigning her office. But the entreaties of her pupils, who displayed an
affection towards her which touched a heart by no means closed to the
_softer_ dictates of humanity, could not be ignored. She withdrew her
notice of resignation, and it was arranged that, after a month's holiday
under the care of her aunt, she should return to Byron Grove and take up
again the duties which she had so well performed hitherto.




  [Illustration]

  CHAPTER XV

  THE LOST BRACELET


It was Mr. Birdikin's exemplary habit to examine from time to time those
who were employed in his household in a menial capacity and to give them
such moral instruction as he deemed fitting to those of an inferior
order of intellect. He had always found the footman John ready and
willing to profit by his instructions, though some lack of understanding
on his part and an unretentive memory rendered it advisable that Mr.
Birdikin should confine his lessons to the simpler duties incumbent upon
him, such as a strict regard for the truth, diligence in his work,
respect for his superiors, and gratitude for the benefits received at
their hands. He also endeavoured to strengthen in the footman the powers
of memory with which he was so poorly endowed by deducting a small sum
from his wages every time he forgot something that he had been
instructed to remember. But Mr. Birdikin well knew that _punishment_,
though it might impress a necessary lesson on the mind, was less
efficacious than _self-discipline_ in such matters, and he had presented
John with a little volume of moral poetry, from which he was directed
to learn by heart a stanza every day, to be repeated to his master when
the time for examination came round.

One morning when John was summoned into Mr. Birdikin's presence to show
what progress he had made, he informed that gentleman with modest pride
that he had got by heart an entire poem which had taken his immature
fancy. It was entitled 'Feathered Prisoners', and began:

  I do not like at any age
  To see birds hopping in a cage;
  Their wings were made for ways more airy,
  Poor bullfinch! and oh, poor canary!

and in twelve lines of sprightly verse adjured the young readers for
whom it was written to liberate any songsters which they might be
keeping in captivity.

[Illustration: _He had got by heart an entire-poem_]

Except for the mispronunciation of the word 'empyrean', which occurred
in the course of the poem, John acquitted himself well, and Mr. Birdikin
commended him, but thought it necessary to point out that it would be of
small benefit to set free song-birds in captivity, for they would be
attacked and done to death by those who had always enjoyed their
liberty. 'I was not aware,' he said, 'that that particular poem was
included in the book with which I presented you.'

'Nor is it,' said Henry, who liked to be present when his father made
examination of the servants. 'It is to be found in _Little Rhymes for
Little People_, which belongs to me, and which I have lately missed from
the place in which I was accustomed to keep it. It is not for me to
dictate to my dear Papa, but I would suggest that he inquire from John
how it came into his possession.'

The inquiry was made by Mr. Birdikin, but John, who was flurried by the
question, could give no reasonable answer beyond saying that he thought
he had found it in the waste-paper basket, which it was his duty to
clear.

This reply was considered by Mr. Birdikin to be an evasion. 'I
hesitate,' he said, 'to accuse you of having _stolen_ the book, which
you will at once return to its rightful owner, but my eye will be on
you in the future. Look well to it that you do not stray from the strict
path of rectitude, or punishment will be immediate and condign. Go! I am
disappointed in you.'

A few days later Mrs. Birdikin missed a gold bracelet which she said she
had taken off the night before and laid on her dressing-table. It was
not surprising that Mr. Birdikin's suspicion should alight upon the
footman, and he summoned him to his presence and accused him of the
theft. 'For the sake of your hard-working and honest father and of your
ailing mother,' he said, 'I will not give you into custody if instant
restitution is made. But you can no longer remain in my service, and
when the bracelet has been restored you must leave this house, not again
to return to it. I have nourished a viper in my bosom. Not only do you
appropriate a valuable piece of jewellery but you have the impudence to
invade the privacy of a lady's chamber in order to do so. Bah! The
ingratitude and dishonesty of the lower orders is enough to shake my
confidence in the ordering of the universe.'

John burst into tears and vowed that he had not been near Mrs.
Birdikin's bedchamber nor seen anything of the bracelet since she had
worn it on her wrist the evening before. But Mr. Birdikin made short
work of his protestations. 'I am convinced,' said he, 'that you are the
thief. You will remain in your pantry while I have your room searched,
and I warn you that unless you make instant confession I shall, as a
magistrate, commit you to prison.'

Nothing was revealed by the search, but when it was over it was found
that John had disappeared. Mr. Birdikin had taken the precaution of
locking the door upon him, but he had escaped through the window. This
confirmed Mr. Birdikin in the conviction that he was guilty, and he
regretted that he had not had search made of the footman's person, for
it now seemed probable that he had carried the bracelet away with him.
It was unlikely, however, that he had run very far. His father was a
woodman in the employ of Captain Rouseabout, and lived in a cottage on
that gentleman's estate at no great distance from Byron Grove. Thither
it was Mr. Birdikin's intention to repair when he had rested himself
after the midday meal, together with his coachman, Bodger, and a stout
lad from the stables, who would apprehend the footman and lodge him in
the county jail.

It may be imagined that this disturbing episode was much discussed by
the Birdikin children, who, since Miss Smith had left them for a time,
were more in the company of their parents and of the servants than
usual. With the exception of Henry, they refused to believe in John's
culpability.

'It passes my comprehension,' said Charles, 'what he would want with
Mama's bracelet, and I cannot believe that he is a thief.'

'I should have been loath to suspect him myself,' said Henry, 'but for
his appropriation of my _Little Rhymes for Little People_.'

'You did leave that about,' said Fanny, 'and it may well have fallen
into the waste-paper basket. I believe you stole Mama's bracelet
yourself, and I wish you could be sent to prison for it.'

'Peace!' said Clara. 'Instead of disputing among ourselves, let us
devise some means of removing the suspicion that lies upon John.'

The children then decided to make a thorough search for the bracelet,
which was eventually found by Fanny in the upholstery of the sofa on
which Mrs. Birdikin had reclined the evening before.

With a whoop of delight the children ran to their parents with their
discovery. Mrs. Birdikin, while pleased to have the trinket restored to
her, was not pleased at being convicted of an error of memory in stating
that she had left it on her dressing-table, and Mr. Birdikin did not
forbear from reprimanding her for a mistake that had led him unwittingly
to do an injustice to an honest and willing lad. 'Though not
accommodated with any marked degree of intelligence,' he said, 'John is
none the less a valuable servant, and is paid a lower wage than would be
demanded by one of a higher degree of sagacity. I should be sorry to
lose him, and fortunately there is now no necessity that we should do
so. I will repair this afternoon to the cottage of John's father, as
already arranged, but _without_ Bodger and Thomas, and intimate to John
that he is restored to my favour, and that nothing further will be said
about his leaving the house without my permission.'

'There speaks my generous and high-minded husband,' said Mrs. Birdikin;
and Mr. Birdikin glowed with the sense of rectitude and benevolence, and
himself undertook to have the clasp of his wife's bracelet repaired so
that it should not again fall from her wrist.

The children accompanied their father to the lowly cot in which John's
parents resided, anticipating with pleasure his exoneration from the
charge unjustly, as it turned out, preferred against him. Arrived there,
they saw a horse tethered to the gatepost, and emerging from the cottage
John, still in his footman's livery, and Captain Rouseabout, whose
general reputation as a man of dubious habits and speech had long since
alienated from him the regard of his upright and high-minded neighbour.

Mr. Birdikin was in no mind to parley with this man, whom he regarded as
a reprobate, but Captain Rouseabout instantly called out to him, 'Here
you, Birdikin, what do you mean by locking up an innocent lad? I'll have
you turned off the Bench for it. I'll bring an action for false
imprisonment against you.'

Though greatly disliking the necessity of explaining himself to a man so
lost to all sense of propriety as to address him thus before his
children and a menial, Mr. Birdikin could not but express his regret at
the error that had led him to act as he had done. 'I shall make what
amends are called for,' he said, 'by taking John back into my service,
and if his behaviour remains good may even consider giving him a rise of
wages on next quarter-day.'

'No, you won't,' said Captain Rouseabout rudely. 'I have taken John into
_my_ service, and he's well rid of you. Get off my ground, and take your
brats with you.'

Mr. Birdikin was about to retire, with that dignity which never forsook
him under the most trying conditions, when Captain Rouseabout's eye
lighted upon Fanny, whom he had come across on an occasion already
recounted. 'Hallo, my little dear!' he said. 'Want another ride on my
horse?'

But Mr. Birdikin had already turned his back upon him, his children
obediently following. Fanny, however, turned round and smiled at Captain
Rouseabout. Fortunately for her this was not observed by Mr. Birdikin,
who forbade his children, under pain of severe bodily chastisement, from
ever mentioning the name of Captain Rouseabout or of John again.




  CHAPTER XVI

  FANNY RUNS AWAY


During the absence of Miss Smith, who was visiting her aunt, Mrs. Clott,
at the seaside town of X, the Birdikin children, owing to the lack of
guidance in their hours of recreation, were apt to run into mischief,
and the switch, birch, or strap with which Mr. Birdikin enforced upon
them the necessity of propriety of conduct was more often called into
play than before. To spare the rod and spoil the child was no part of a
parent's duty as he saw it, but it cannot be doubted that bodily
punishment, while efficacious in keeping _some_ upon the straight path,
with _others_ serves only to aggravate the offence it is designed to
remove. The intractability of disposition shown, for instance, by Fanny
was _not_ to be softened by such chastisement, and, although the opinion
of Bodger, the coachman, that she was a 'limb of Satan', may be taken as
an exaggeration, the more she was beaten the more her unruliness
increased.

One afternoon when Mr. and Mrs. Birdikin had driven out in the family
chariot, the four children found themselves in their father's study.
Upon a table were displayed twelve copies of a local news-sheet, which
contained a portrait of Mr. Birdikin in his character of magistrate and
member of the County Road Board, and it occurred to Henry to _dare_ his
sister to write under one of them, 'Silly old Birdikin'.

Fanny instantly accepted the challenge, seized a quill from the
writing-table, and inscribed the insulting words upon the paper.

'There!' she said. 'Now my Papa will know what I think of him, and if he
says anything about it I shall tell him that you told me to do it.'

[Illustration: _'Now my Papa will know what I think of him'_]

Henry, who was horrified at the sight of the offending words, vowed that
he had had no idea of his challenge being accepted; but Fanny, who had
been sprinkling sand upon the wet ink, threw the china dredger at him
and ran from the room.

It was agreed between the other three that the best way of keeping the
outrage from their father's observation would be to abstract the copy of
the paper and trust that it would not be noticed. But Mr. Birdikin had
already decided to whom the copies were to be sent, and when he
discovered that there were only eleven where before he had counted
twelve it was not long before the truth was elicited and he saw with his
own eyes the obnoxious inscription for which a child of his had been
responsible.

It was not to be wondered at that punishment was immediate and condign.
All four children shared in it, but Fanny received the first and most
severe beating while Mr. Birdikin's vigour was still fresh and his
indignation warm. Her wrigglings prevented the full force of his strokes
impinging upon that part of her body towards which they were directed;
but her punishment was a heavy one, and, instead of being brought to
contrition by it, she made the announcement through the tears which
followed that she should go instantly to Captain Rouseabout and ask him
to take a horse-whip to her father.

Such an idea, entering the mind of a child of no more than nine years of
age, could only be taken as a sign of deeply-rooted depravity. Fanny was
sent to bed while Mr. Birdikin exercised his suppleness of wrist upon
the other three children. When this correction had been administered
and they had retired from the room howling, he consulted with Mrs.
Birdikin on what further steps were to be taken to bring Fanny to a
state of contrition for the enormities she had committed. Mrs. Birdikin
recommended reasoning with her, and her husband was willing to try that
course; but upon entering Fanny's bedchamber he found it empty, and
subsequent inquiries elicited the fact that she was nowhere to be found.
Fanny had added to the iniquities with which her cup was already full by
running away.

It was hardly to be believed that she had fulfilled her threat of going
to Beechcroft, the residence of Captain Rouseabout; for Mr. Birdikin had
no dealings with his disreputable neighbour and judged that Fanny had
brought in his name simply for the sake of the additional naughtiness
involved in doing so. When no inquiries, however, brought any report of
her having been seen, he dispatched a groom to Beechcroft to make
inquiries, who returned with the information that nothing had been heard
or seen of Fanny in that direction, but informed his master that Captain
Rouseabout had said that he should be pleased to see the little lady at
any time.

This seriously annoyed Mr. Birdikin; but his vexation was presently
absorbed in the anxiety which Fanny's flight was beginning to cause him.
For it was nearly three hours since she had been missed; and with
gipsies and other bad characters known to be in the vicinity the
escapade was seen to involve serious danger to the child's safety.

But Fanny was fortunately in safe hands. Exasperated by what she
considered her father's injustice, she had set out to walk the six miles
that lay between her home and the town of X, where she designed to seek
consolation from Miss Smith. It was a long distance for a child to
travel, and she arrived footsore and weary, but without having suffered
molestation by the way. The fatigue she had undergone had reduced her
childish irritation, and when she had been given refreshment and a hot
bath by kind Mrs. Clott, who was shocked to find on her body bruises
caused by what she regarded as Mr. Birdikin's brutality, she was none
the worse for her adventure.

In the meantime anxiety on her behalf had reached fever point at Byron
Grove; but just as Mr. Birdikin had decided to rouse the countryside and
to have bills printed with a description of the missing child, a mail
phaeton drove up to the door, which contained Captain Rouseabout, Miss
Smith, and Fanny. Miss Smith and Fanny alighted and entered the house.
Captain Rouseabout, who had given Fanny a smacking farewell kiss, called
out to Miss Smith, 'Now don't be long, Sally. I don't want to keep the
horses standing'.

These remarks were overheard by Mr. Birdikin, who could scarcely believe
his ears at such an address to the governess, whose name, as he was
aware, was Harriet. Miss Smith, however, did not appear to be outraged
by the impertinence, but said to him, 'I have brought the child back,
Sir, and should wish to have a short word with you apart before I return
to my aunt'.

Mr. Birdikin led the way into his room, where Miss Smith addressed him
thus: 'I think it is time, Sir, that you refrained from lifting your
hand against your _girl_ children, and if I am to return to you in the
capacity of governess I should wish to make the stipulation that you
shall do so'.

Mr. Birdikin was so taken aback by this change of attitude on the part
of Miss Smith, who but a short time before would never have thought of
venturing upon any criticism of him, that he could only stammer out that
with Miss Smith once more installed at Byron Grove it was to be expected
that the behaviour of the children would be such as to call for no
further chastisement from him.

Miss Smith bowed her head. 'I will charge myself,' she said, 'with their
good behaviour. Children are to be ruled by _affection_, Mr. Birdikin,
and not by _terror_. You and Mrs. Birdikin must have suffered distress
by Fanny's long absence, and I have no wish to add to it. But had it not
been for Captain Rouseabout's kindness in tracking Fanny to my aunt's
establishment and offering to drive us back here, you would _still_ have
been without news of your child. Let this, I pray, be a lesson to you. I
will stay no longer, but wish you good evening.'

She left the room with an assured step that Mr. Birdikin did not
recognize as belonging to the Miss Smith whom he had hitherto known, and
he saw her from the window mount up beside Captain Rouseabout, who drove
rapidly away.

After a pause of bewilderment, Mr. Birdikin sought his wife and
expressed to her his doubts of Miss Smith's sanity. 'She to lecture
_me_,' he exclaimed, 'to whom she owes everything! And to adventure
herself alone with that boor! What is the world coming to? I shall not
leave the matter as it is.'

'Miss Smith is quite right,' said Mrs. Birdikin. 'My apprehension now is
that the news of your beating your daughter as if she were a dog or a
menial will spread to our neighbours. You had better call on Captain
Rouseabout to-morrow, Mr. Birdikin, and assure him that it is the last
time it will happen. He is not so bad as you have always made him out to
be, and is quite well thought of by the Earl and Countess. And I would
point out to you that you would do well to show discretion in this
matter, unless you wish to have it noised abroad that your own children
have no greater respect for you than to dub you "Silly old Birdikin".'




  [Illustration]

  CHAPTER XVII

  THE BISHOP'S VISIT


Mrs. Birdikin's maternal uncle, the Lord Bishop of P----chester, had
announced his intention of visiting his relatives during a tour of
inspection of his diocese, and it may be imagined that the prospect of
entertaining so illustrious a guest gave not a little pleasure to the
inhabitants of Byron Grove. By an unfortunate concatenation of affairs,
however, the visit of the Bishop happened to coincide with that of Mr.
Birdikin's Aunt Maria, whose worldly circumstances made it advisable to
welcome her from time to time to his mansion, but in whom a certain
_commonness_ of behaviour made it inexpedient to present her to those
with whom he wished to stand well. It was not possible to ask Mrs.
Purport to cut short her visit, for she was pleased with the prospect of
meeting the Bishop, and had she guessed that her absence would be
preferred to her society during his sojourn at Byron Grove she would
certainly have taken umbrage and might well have visited her displeasure
upon her nephew by cutting him and his family out of her will. What then
was to be done about it?

A solution of the difficulty occurred to Mr. Birdikin when it came to
his remembrance that on a former visit of Aunt Maria's she had indulged
to such an extent in a dish of dressed lobster that she had been forced
to retire to her bedchamber in considerable discomfort of body, and it
had been necessary to call in Dr. Affable to administer the treatment
that would restore her to health. This had been of a drastic nature, and
the good lady had vowed that she would not again partake of the
succulent dish which had caused her such discomfort. A year or more,
however, had elapsed since this occurrence, and Mr. Birdikin's
expectations were encouraged when a dish of lobster had appeared on the
luncheon-table on the day before his Lordship's arrival, and Mrs.
Purport, so far from refusing it, made the inelegant remark that it was
worth the risk of a belly-ache and indulged in two of the large helpings
which he hospitably pressed on her.

The result was gratifying to him as the prospective host of a man of
high standing if not as that of a fond nephew. Aunt Maria was taken
exceedingly ill and retired to bed. Dr. Affable was summoned and
pronounced it impossible for her to leave her chamber for at least two
days; and the way was clear for the unencumbered entertainment of the
Bishop.

The problem of Aunt Maria thus disposed of, a further complication was
introduced by a letter received from the Bishop's chaplain on the
morning of his arrival. This gentleman wrote that, as an undergraduate
of the University of Oxford, his Lordship had had a close personal
friend in a gentleman of the name of Rouseabout, and that he had lately
heard that this gentleman's son was resident in the neighbourhood of
Byron Grove. He made the request that Captain Rouseabout might be
invited to dine, so that he could make his acquaintance, and Mr.
Birdikin did not feel himself at liberty to refuse this request,
although his opinion of his neighbour was such that he considered him
the last person in the world who was fit to be introduced to the society
of a pillar of the Church. The responsibility, however, was upon his
Lordship, and if Captain Rouseabout should offend his father's old
friend by any coarseness of speech or behaviour Mr. Birdikin would
absolve himself by informing the Bishop that he should not darken his
doors again. A note was sent to Beechcroft by a mounted groom, who
returned with a reply from Captain Rouseabout to the effect that bishops
were not much in his line as stable companions, but as he had heard that
this one had been a sporting cove in his youth he should be glad to take
his oats in his company that evening and put him on to something good
for the St. Leger.

The Bishop's chariot drove up early in the afternoon, and his Lordship,
who was possessed of a benign and fatherly spirit, intimated that it
would give him pleasure to make the better acquaintance of his
great-nephews and nieces. Using a colloquial expression more indicative
of the _man_ than of the _prelate_, he said with a kindly smile that he
would like to 'stretch his legs' after his long drive, and requested
that the children should take him round the garden. This they did,
accompanied by Miss Smith and the chaplain, who, however, did not
intrude upon their conversation but found subjects of their own, which
interested them so much that they presently turned into a shrubbery path
and were lost to view. Observing this from the window of the house, Mr.
Birdikin remarked that Miss Smith was inclined to forget the subordinate
position which she held in the household; but Mrs. Birdikin opined that
in view of the chaplain's _sacred_ profession it was unlikely that he
would take advantage of the occasion to press _unwelcome_ attentions
upon the governess, but that if he did so she could be trusted to
reject them.

The eminent but benign ecclesiastic soon got upon terms with his young
relatives. Henry, who, in view of his future profession, was desirous of
impressing himself upon his august kinsman, offered to repeat the
Church Catechism to him; but his Lordship intimated that he was already
familiar with it and should prefer to visit the stables. Here he was
shown Charles's pony, and gained the respect of Bodger, the coachman, by
his knowledge of horseflesh. So completely did he gain the confidence of
the children that Fanny informed him that it was her intention when she
attained maturity to become a circus-rider, and he did not rebuke the
childish folly of the remark but told her that he should prefer to see
her a good wife and mother. This led Charles to the disclosure that she
had expressed a wish to affiance herself to Captain Rouseabout, and
Henry thought it advisable to intimate that that gentleman was
considered by his father to exercise a deleterious influence upon the
neighbourhood. The Bishop made no remark upon this; but when Fanny said
she had given up the idea of marrying Captain Rouseabout because she
thought he was in love with Miss Smith he gently rebuked the children
for making free with the names of their elders.

[Illustration: _The eminent but benign ecclesiastic soon got upon terms
with his young relatives_]

With his habitual forethought for the just claims of others, Mr.
Birdikin had invited to his board Mr. Guff, the curate-in-charge, and
his consort; and with _three_ clergymen present he hoped that Captain
Rouseabout, whose habitual talk reeked of the stable and the cockpit,
would be kept in check. That gentleman, however, was by no means to be
reduced to silence in whatever company he might find himself, and it was
left to Miss Smith, who sat between him and the chaplain, to keep his
talk within the bounds of propriety. This she did with a resource for
which her employers had not given her credit; but Mr. Birdikin
experienced some sense of outrage at her taking so much upon herself,
and once or twice intimated to her, by taking the conversation out of
her hands, that a modest silence would better have befitted her position
in his establishment.

The warm summer evening made it agreeable for the gentlemen to drink
their wine on the terrace after dinner; but what was Mr. Birdikin's
surprise when only three bottles of port wine had gone the rounds to see
both Captain Rouseabout and the chaplain rise from their seats and
betake themselves to a corner of the garden in which a white dress could
be seen glimmering among the trees. The wearer was undoubtedly Miss
Smith, but before he could express himself upon the enormity of her
behaviour in thus inviting the attentions of two of his male guests the
Bishop said with a paternal chuckle, 'The red coat and the black! Which
has a better chance with the fair lady?'

Before he could recover himself a window immediately above the place in
which they were sitting was thrown open and a somewhat strident voice
was heard saying, 'Zephaniah Birdikin, introduce me to the bish'.

It was Aunt Maria, who, somewhat recovered from her indisposition and
not wishing to be left out of the sociability that was going forward,
had taken this opportunity of presenting herself. Mr. Birdikin could
have sunk into the ground with shame when he saw his relative, whose
very presence in the house he had forgotten, standing smirking at the
window in a large night-cap. He was forced to make the introduction,
which his Lordship acknowledged courteously, recommending Mrs. Purport
not to risk her health by further exposure to the evening air, and the
disturbing episode was over. Another bottle of port wine was opened and
praised by the Bishop, who was pleased to remark that his reception and
entertainment at Byron Grove had exceeded his expectations.




  CHAPTER XVIII

  THE NEW RECTOR


The Rectorate of H----, the parish in which Byron Grove was situated,
was in the gift of the Bishop of P----chester, Mrs. Birdikin's maternal
uncle. It had been held for some years by a gentleman who, in
consequence of overspending the considerable income attached to it, had
been forced to escape his creditors by taking up his residence in the
town of Boulogne. The greater part of his emoluments he had retained for
himself, but had paid Mr. Guff, the curate, eighty pounds per annum, and
given him the use of the Rectory, so that the _morality_ of the parish
did not suffer from his absence, though Mr. Birdikin was apt to deplore
that its ministrations were in the hands of a poor curate instead of
those of a well-endowed incumbent, whom he could meet upon equal terms.
He cherished, however, a hope that Henry, when he should arrive at a
canonical age, might be preferred to the living, which would give him a
satisfactory provision for life; and it was consequently with some
annoyance that he received the news, not long after the Bishop's visit
to Byron Grove, that the Rector of H---- had succumbed to a low fever.

The days were long since past when a child of eleven could be preferred
to a valuable living, and Mr. Birdikin was inclined to regret them, but
reflected that it was still not unknown that what was called a
_warming-pan_ should be installed in an incumbency, and hoped that the
Bishop would present a man of advanced age, whose demise might be
expected by the time that Henry would be ready to step into his shoes.

Mr. Birdikin did not feel justified in making this proposal to his
august relative, but caused his wife to write to her uncle, enclosing
some moral reflections composed by Henry under his direction, and saying
that it was the ardent wish of his parents that when the time came they
would see their beloved younger son responsible for the _behaviour_ of
the parishioners of H----, as their elder would take his father's place
in respect of their _material_ welfare.

A few days later the curate's children, Thomas and Lucy, were invited to
spend the afternoon with the young Birdikins, and after indulging in
various games and sports of an active nature collected in one of the
arbours that diversified the grounds of Byron Grove and entered into
childish conversation.

'I fear,' said Charles, 'that these diversions with our young friends
will soon be coming to an end. It may be that the new rector will have
children with whom we can play, but they cannot take the place of Thomas
and Lucy in our estimation.'

'Well said, Charles,' commented Clara. 'It will be a sad day when our
playmates leave us.'

'Has your papa succeeded in obtaining employment elsewhere?' inquired
Henry. 'I apprehend that at his age and with his lack of interest he
could hardly expect to _better_ his situation, but it is to be hoped
that he will obtain a curacy upon which he and his family can continue
to _subsist_.'

'Thank you for nothing,' replied Thomas. 'My Papa is himself to be the
new Rector of H----, and will buy me a pony.'

'Indeed, Thomas,' said his sister, 'you should not indulge your
propensity to _brag_. My Papa only _hopes_ that he may be preferred to
the incumbency.'

This admission caused Henry to break into a rude laugh. 'That would
indeed be an appointment to create mirth,' he said. 'Your Papa, though
pious and well-meaning, is neither of birth nor position to be
preferred to a living which there is every reason to believe will be
given to one who will keep it warm for _me_.'

Thomas did not wait to reflect upon this utterance, but gave Henry a
violent blow upon the face, which was returned, and the two boys were
immediately involved in a fierce bout of fisticuffs. This was cheered on
by Charles and Fanny, but caused Clara and Lucy to run to summon Miss
Smith, who had left the children to play alone, at Mrs. Birdikin's
request, in order that she might assist that lady in various household
duties.

[Illustration: _Thomas gave Henry a violent blow upon the face_]

When the governess arrived upon the scene the _physical_ contest was
over. Thomas, though younger and shorter than Henry, had more stomach
for a fight than the lad whose footsteps were destined to follow the
paths of Peace. Henry was bleeding at the nose and one of his eyes was
closed, but he was still engaged in wordy warfare with his late
adversary, and vowing that he would get him punished for his unprovoked
assault.

Miss Smith, who had a considerable influence over all the children,
would no doubt have composed the quarrel, but Mr. Birdikin had seen her
running out, and, intercepting Clara and Lucy, had gained knowledge of
the dispute from them. He now arrived on the scene and expressed himself
strongly to Thomas for his breach of decorum. 'Am I never to have an end
of your graceless behaviour?' he inquired. 'Cannot I extend hospitality
to the children of a worthy though unbeneficed official of the Church
without inviting a display of coarseness and violence?'

Thomas hung his head, but Fanny spoke up for him. 'It was Henry who
invited the attack, Papa,' she said. 'He twitted Thomas with the
inferiority of his parent.'

'He had boasted that Mr. Guff was to be made Rector of H----,' said
Henry, 'and I merely remarked that such an appointment would be
unfitting, when he fell upon me violently.'

'I have told you before,' said his father, 'that I will not have you
twitting or quizzing our good curate's children on the poverty or
inferiority of their parents. And I would say to you, Thomas, that it
ill becomes you, who are received here as if you were the equal of my
_own_ children, to vaunt an expectation that cannot possibly be
fulfilled.'

'Why should not Mr. Guff be made Rector of H----?' inquired Fanny. 'I
shall write to my uncle and beg him to present him with the living.'

Mr. Birdikin would have dealt suitably with this interposition, but he
was forestalled by Miss Smith, who said, 'What is entirely unfitting is
that children of your age should be discussing matters which are the
province of your elders. Run along now and engage in the play that
becomes your years and I will shortly join you.'

The children, glad to be relieved from a further show of displeasure
from Mr. Birdikin, immediately ran out, and Miss Smith was left alone
with her employer, to whom she said, 'I opine, Mr. Birdikin, that there
has been far too much talk before the children of the _emoluments_
attached to the clerical profession, of which they would otherwise know
nothing. Would it not be better to give them the idea that his Lordship
will be guided by the _character_ of the clergyman whom he will present
to this living rather than by his _worldly_ circumstances?'

'Miss Smith,' said Mr. Birdikin, bending his brows upon her, 'you have
been much inclined of late to express your opinion upon matters which
are not within your province. I will request you to bear in mind the
duties you are called upon to fulfil in my household and to refrain in
future from interfering in matters which are no concern of yours and
with which you are incompetent to deal. Let me also tell you that in
_this_ instance to encourage Mr. Guff in any ideas he may cherish in
connection with this incumbency is to do him an ill service, which can
only result in disappointment and confusion to a man who, however worthy
in his own lowly sphere, is no more likely to be made Rector of H----
than Archbishop of Canterbury or Pope of Rome.'

'I have reason to believe, Mr. Birdikin,' replied Miss Smith, preparing
to leave him, 'that you are mistaken, and that you will shortly receive
the news that Mr. Guff has been appointed Rector of H----.'

And so it turned out. That very evening Mr. Guff called upon Mr.
Birdikin and informed him that the Bishop had been pleased to appoint
him Rector of H----. 'It is no doubt owing to your kindness in inviting
me to meet the Bishop during his sojourn under your hospitable roof that
I owe this preferment,' he said. 'Had I not had the privilege of
personal intercourse with his Lordship and made a friend at court in the
person of Mr. Speedway, his chaplain, I doubt if it would have come my
way.'

Though surprised and somewhat chagrined by the turn that events had
taken, Mr. Birdikin was quick to reflect that, as the appointment was
now an accomplished fact, it behoved him to show nothing but pleasure in
it. 'I am rejoiced, Mr. Guff,' he said, 'that I have been able to serve
you in a way that can only bring gratification to all concerned. You may
well imagine that any advice I may have been called upon to give as
chief landowner in the parish of H---- could only have been directed
towards procuring for you the position you are so eminently fitted to
fill, and anything I may have said while the question was still in
abeyance was dictated by my unwillingness to betray whatever confidence
there may have been between my illustrious relative and myself.'

Mrs. Birdikin coming in at that moment, the news was imparted to her,
and she also congratulated Mr. Guff upon his appointment, which she
opined was owing to her relationship with his patron. When the
Rector-elect had left them they resumed a conversation which had taken
place before his arrival, in which it had been a matter of conjecture
between them what information Miss Smith could have gained which had led
her, as it were, to prophesy what had since come to pass.

'It is now clear to me,' said Mr. Birdikin, 'that she has been in
correspondence with Mr. Speedway, your uncle's chaplain. The indelicacy
of such a proceeding----'

But Mrs. Birdikin cut him short. 'You have already complicated matters,'
she said, 'by announcing that Mr. Guff was not a suitable person for the
position which has now been conferred upon him. Do not, I beseech you,
bring ridicule upon yourself by interfering in what is none of your
concern. At the present moment Miss Smith is a governess, but she may
not long remain so. Keep your eyes and ears open and your mouth shut,
Mr. Birdikin, and refrain, if I may use the expression, from making a
further fool of yourself.'




  [Illustration]

  CHAPTER XIX

  A HUNT DINNER


Mr. Birdikin was not himself addicted to the pleasures of the chase, but
he judged that foxhunting was the legitimate sport of the English
gentry, and to be encouraged by all those to whom Providence had
assigned a situation of superiority, such as he himself enjoyed.
Consequently when the Earl of Bellacre, as Master of the West M----shire
hunt, sent him an invitation to join a party of foxhunters at dinner he
was pleased to accept, and caused himself to be driven over to Bellacre
Castle with anticipations of a pleasant evening before him.

The noble host set before his guests a dinner in which fish, flesh, and
fowl were abundantly represented, and provided an assortment of wines
and other alcoholic beverages to which those present did full justice.
The later proceedings of the evening were enlivened with song, and it
was not until a late hour that the party broke up. But when it did so
Mr. Birdikin was informed that his coachman, Bodger, was not in a fit
state to drive him home, being at the moment in a recumbent position
under the table of the servants' hall, at which he had partaken too
freely of the potables so generously provided.

Mr. Birdikin was rescued from what might have been an awkward
predicament by Captain Rouseabout, who offered to drive him home in his
dog-cart; and, although his opinion of his neighbour was a low one, a
certain mellowness which had been induced in him by the good cheer he
had enjoyed led him to fall upon Captain Rouseabout's neck and inform
him with tears that he was his life's preserver.

[Illustration: _A certain mellowness which had been induced in him_]

He was helped to his seat in the high dog-cart by Captain Rouseabout and
his groom, while a stableman held the horse's head. All three of them
were unfortunately in a state of imperfect sobriety, and made hilarious
remarks at Mr. Birdikin's expense, which at another time he might have
resented. But, as he chanced to knock the groom's hat off his head as he
was hoisted up, he was so overcome with laughter himself at the
absurdity of this accident that he nearly fell from his seat, and
Captain Rouseabout, opining that he was also, as he was pleased to
express it, 'bosky', judged it desirable to strap him into it.

This operation occupied some time and at first amused Mr. Birdikin
excessively, but upon feeling the strap tightened around his body he
burst into tears and begged Captain Rouseabout to have pity on his wife
and innocent children.

They drove off, and, although Captain Rouseabout was still under the
influence of his too copious libations, his life-long skill with the
reins prevented greater divagations from a straight course than if he
had been walking along the road. The journey was cheered by song, in
which Mr. Birdikin, having recovered from the momentary drop in his
spirits, joined with the full force of his lungs, for he had a powerful
and pleasing baritone voice, and informed Captain Rouseabout after a
burst of melody that the excellence of his singing had made such an
impression upon Mrs. Birdikin in her girlhood that she had consented to
make him the happy man that he now was.

They were by this time approaching Byron Grove, and the confidence that
had been imparted to him gave Captain Rouseabout the idea of serenading
the ladies of the house. Mr. Birdikin was pleased to fall in with this
suggestion, but, thinking that Mrs. Birdikin might prefer to hear his
voice alone raised under her window, rather than have it mixed with the
more raucous strains from Captain Rouseabout's throat, was relieved by a
further suggestion from that gentleman that he should direct his
melodious attentions to Miss Smith. He could not at the moment call to
mind the chamber in which the governess was reposing; but reflecting
that Captain Rouseabout would be even more ignorant of its whereabouts,
directed him to a window round the corner of the house, and returned to
take his stand under the casement of his consort.

At this moment the front door was thrown open, and Miggs, the butler,
who had lately taken the place of the footman, John, in Mr. Birdikin's
establishment, appeared on the threshold, having waited up to admit his
master.

At the sight of him it occurred to Mr. Birdikin that any vocal tribute
he might wish to pay his wife would be more comfortably and conveniently
addressed to her in their marital chamber than from the carriage-drive
at three o'clock on a winter night; and then it came to his recollection
that Mrs. Birdikin had left home that morning on a few days' visit. He
prepared to enter his mansion. As he did so the frosty air was split by
a loud 'View-halloo', with which Captain Rouseabout was calling
attention to the more musical efforts with which he designed to follow
it, and there ensued a lugubrious wailing which represented his ideas of
music as adapted to the expression of love.

Mr. Birdikin was instantly struck with the gross impropriety of a man
of Captain Rouseabout's character affronting the sanctities of his home
by those cacophonous strains. He dispatched Miggs post-haste to bid him
begone, and, feeling the need of repose for himself, began to doff his
habiliments, under the impression that he had already reached the
seclusion of his bedchamber.

The lateness of the hour at which he had retired to rest caused Mr.
Birdikin to pretermit his invariable custom of appearing at the
breakfast-table and encouraging his children by precept and maxim to
engage cheerfully upon the duties that lay before them. Though still far
from having completed the span of life allotted to mankind by the
Psalmist, he had reached that age at which divergence from habit carries
a penalty with it, and he awoke with a headache, which inclined him to a
view of life the reverse of rosy. So strong, however, was his sense of
duty that he arose, shaved and dressed himself with his usual nice sense
of what was due to a man of his standing, went downstairs, and, learning
that Bodger, the coachman, had returned, caused him to be summoned to
his presence.

The interview was a short one. Mr. Birdikin was not in the mood to
listen to excuses from his servant, and, in his then state of debility,
was wishful of a further period of repose. He pointed out to the
coachman the enormity of yielding to the temptations of insobriety, and
told him plainly that any further lapse on his part would lead to his
instant dismissal. Bodger, subdued in spirit, left him, and he locked
the door of his room and extended himself upon a couch.

Refreshed by a morning spent in slumber, he appeared at the
luncheon-table ready to take his leading part in the intercourse with
which these family meals were enlivened, and was immediately called
upon to settle a dispute that had arisen between the children.

Fanny had declared that she had been awakened in the middle of the night
by the sound of the waits, and the others had said that as it was not
yet the season for their visits she must have been overtaken by a
nightmare.

Mr. Birdikin endorsed this opinion, but Fanny still declared that she
had heard the strains of 'The Mistletoe Bough' before she had fallen
asleep again. Mr. Birdikin rebuked her for obstinacy, and bade the
children consume the rest of their meal in silence.

After luncheon Miss Smith begged for a few minutes' conversation with
her employer, and when she had accompanied him to his room, she said,
'Mr. Birdikin, you have submitted me to insult, and I must demand an
apology from you, or I shall inform Mrs. Birdikin, when she returns
home, that I cannot remain a member of your household'.

Mr. Birdikin was greatly taken aback by this address from a dependant
upon his bounty, and inquired of Miss Smith in what way she considered
him to have submitted her to insult.

'It was not the waits, sir, that Fanny heard last night,' she replied,
'but the voice of a person to whom you yourself shouted out, "That's her
room. Give it tongue". I was awake and recognized your voice.'

Mr. Birdikin had no recollection of having used the words quoted, but
hastened to inform her that it was Captain Rouseabout who had driven him
home, he feared in a slight state of intoxication, and expressed a wish
to serenade Miss Smith, that he had thought the attention would not be
displeasing to her, and had permitted it as a means of getting quit of
Captain Rouseabout. If he had unwittingly offended her he would express
his regrets, and begged that she would not bring the episode to the
notice of Mrs. Birdikin.

Miss Smith accepted the apology and gave the required undertaking. When
she had left him Mr. Birdikin again took to his couch, relieved in his
mind that the disturbances attendant upon the Hunt Dinner were now at an
end.




  CHAPTER XX

  A MISUNDERSTANDING


Mr. Birdikin had received his education at Dr. Thwackem's Select Academy
for Young Gentlemen at Clapham, and it was intended that Charles and
Henry should repair to the same establishment in due course, for the
excellent Doctor, though now advanced in years, was still vigorous both
of brain and hand, and accepted none but the sons of gentlemen of
assured standing to whom to impart such instruction as was befitting for
those whom Providence had raised above the vulgar herd.

The approaching departure of Charles and Henry to what Mr. Birdikin,
with pretty conceit, was pleased to refer to as the Groves of Academe,
formed the subject of conversation one morning at the breakfast-table,
and Mr. Birdikin, with a courteous inclination of the head towards Miss
Smith, remarked: 'My sons, I doubt not, will be second to none in the
excellence of the instruction they have received _before_ entering upon
their scholastic course, and I trust they will do credit to the
attention paid not alone to their _mental_ but also to their _moral_
welfare by so excellent an instructress as Miss Smith'.

Miss Smith, gratified at this tribute from her employer, replied,
'Indeed, sir, my task has been made easy by the high moral standard
maintained in this household, but Charles and Henry are now getting
beyond the tutelage of a _female_, and their studies will be better
directed by the learned Dr. Thwackem and his accomplished staff than by
my humble self'.

'Why cannot my brothers be sent to Eton College,' inquired Fanny, 'where
the Firebolts are going next half? I am informed by them that Dr. Keate
once flogged eighty boys in a morning.'

'The necessity for occasional chastisement of unruly spirits is not the
_only_ requirement of a sound education, Fanny,' replied Mr. Birdikin.
'The Viscount Firebolt and the Honourable John will repair to Eton
College as the sons of my good neighbour the Earl of Bellacre. For _my_
sons, a more modest and, I may add, a less costly seminary will suffice
for the inculcation of those principles of gentility in which I was
nurtured myself.'

'Tommy Guff is going to Eton,' said Fanny, 'and is to ride over on his
pony every morning to Bellacre Castle, to share the instructions of the
tutor who is preparing George and John for school.'

This piece of information, the veracity of which he confirmed by
questions put to the other children, gave Mr. Birdikin considerable
concern. The Reverend Daniel Guff, who had fulfilled the duties of
curate in the parish of H---- for some years, had lately been appointed
its Rector, and it was only to be expected, and indeed to be desired,
that the emoluments accruing to him should result in some increase of
expenditure on his part. It would have been seemly if he had set up a
modest pony carriage for his wife, and there could have been no
objection to his presenting his son, Thomas, with a pony. But Mr.
Birdikin had been greatly surprised at seeing Mrs. Guff driving about in
a carriage and pair, and he knew that three maids and a man in livery
had taken the place of the girl from the village who had hitherto
sufficed for the domestic needs of the Guff family. To hear now that the
late curate had so far forgotten what was owing to Mr. Birdikin himself
as not only to emulate the degree of state which he felt it incumbent
upon himself to keep up, but to make use of his new position to scrape
acquaintance with his aristocratic neighbour and to put his own son on
an equality with those so far above him, caused him acute discomfort of
mind.

'This is the result,' he said to his wife, 'of a sudden rise to
prosperity of a man used to a lowly way of living. I had thought better
of Mr. Guff. It is not to be supposed that an income of eight hundred
pounds a year will justify this extravagant expenditure, and I shall
consider whether it is not my duty to write to the Bishop and inform him
of the result of a piece of benevolence on his part for which its
recipient is proving himself unworthy.'

'It would be better, I think, to remonstrate with Mr. Guff himself,'
replied Mrs. Birdikin. 'And I would suggest to you, Mr. Birdikin, that
you should change your mind about the schooling of Charles and Henry,
and write to the Earl, proposing that they also should participate in
the instructions bestowed upon Thomas Guff, you offering to pay your
share of the tutor's stipend, preparatory to sending them to Eton
College.'

This advice commended itself to Mr. Birdikin, who formed the further
project of requesting his well-endowed Aunt Maria to contribute towards
the education of Charles and Henry, in view of his sending them to a
school where they would form friendships with lads whose parentage could
only enhance the dignity of his family.

He was somewhat dashed in spirit by the replies he received to both
these missives. The Earl of Bellacre wrote with courtesy, but said that
his arrangements were made and he regretted that he could not alter
them. Aunt Maria replied that she had never been one for going out of
the sphere in which she had been born and had something better to do
with her money than to pay for her great-nephews to give themselves airs
by mixing with a lot of Lords.

As Mr. Birdikin did not feel justified in himself bearing the extra
expense involved, he reverted to his original intention of sending
Charles and Henry to Dr. Thwackem's Select Academy for Young Gentlemen,
but decided to remonstrate with Mr. Guff for taking upon himself such a
charge, as well as for the extravagance of his new way of living, which,
if persisted in, could only bring him to the state of insolvency that
had overtaken the previous Rector, and consequent retirement to a
foreign watering-place.

He was about to write to Mr. Guff requesting a visit from him, when the
Rector himself called at Byron Grove, with a request for an interview.
He had on a new suit of broadcloth, and presented himself with an air of
having something of serious import to discuss.

'Mr. Birdikin,' he said. 'As one who is responsible for the good
behaviour of my parishioners, I have been seriously disturbed over
certain rumours which have come to my ears about yourself. I am told
that you arrived home late one night, during the absence of Mrs.
Birdikin, in a state of advanced intoxication, and so far forgot
yourself as to arouse the sleepers in passing through the village street
by shouting out ribald songs at the top of your voice. If this charge,
or any part of it, is true, I beseech you, as a man whose example should
be an asset to me in my _own_ endeavours to keep up the reputation of
this parish, to make a clean breast of it. If you do so I shall not be
hard on you, but I warn you that I shall feel it my duty to deal
severely with any repetition of so disgraceful a lapse on your part.'

The circumstances of Mr. Birdikin's home-coming from a Hunt Dinner at
Bellacre Castle have already been recounted. Though conscious of his own
rectitude in the matter, he was yet aware that those circumstances were
liable to misunderstanding, and he was above all anxious that they
should not come to the ears of Mrs. Birdikin. He had therefore to
satisfy the Rector that it would not be of advantage to spread the news
of them; and, while he gained the assurance that Mrs. Birdikin would
remain ignorant of an episode that might well be relegated to the past,
he did not feel himself in a position to administer the rebuke that he
had prepared for the man who had taken it upon himself to rebuke _him_.

He did, however, before Mr. Guff took his leave, recover so far as to
make some reference to the course of expenditure to which he was
committing himself, as a friend who wished him well and had been
instrumental in gaining for him his present preferment.

'I apprehend, Mr. Birdikin,' said the Rector, 'that you are under some
misapprehension. It is true that I might not have been presented to
_this_ living had I not had the pleasure of meeting my Lord Bishop under
your roof. But I would inform you that the recent demise of a relative
who amassed a large fortune in the East India trade has made it a matter
of small importance to me to fill a well-paid benefice. Had I wished to
continue my career in the Church, and _not_ been appointed to this
living, I should have had no difficulty in purchasing for myself another
sphere of influence. I will now take leave of you, and beg that you will
reflect upon what I have felt bound to bring to your notice, so that I
may have no further occasion for remonstrating with you.'

[Illustration: _'I beg that I may have no further occasion for
remonstrating with you'_]




  [Illustration]

  CHAPTER XXI

  A LAWN MEET


It was Christmas time, and Miss Smith had left Byron Grove to spend a
week with her aunt, Mrs. Clott, at the seaside town of X. The young
Birdikins were a trifle out of hand in consequence, but their parents
felt that the festive season permitted of a certain length of _rope_ in
this respect, and themselves joined in the merry play with which the
holiday hours were enlivened.

On Boxing Day there was a Lawn Meet of the West M--shire Hounds at
Bellacre Castle, and thither the whole family repaired, in order to
partake of the hospitality offered to his neighbours by its noble owner,
and to witness one of those sportive scenes significant of the pursuits
of such denizens of the countryside as were in a position to enjoy them.
Mr. and Mrs. Birdikin and their three younger children were driven by
Bodger in the family chariot, while Charles, who was for the first time
that day to join in the exhilarating chase of the vulpine species,
accompanied Thomas Guff on his pony. Both lads were under the care of
the Rector's coachman, while, in consideration of Mr. Guff's recent
access of prosperity, his daughter, Lucy, had been invited to occupy a
seat in the Birdikins' carriage.

Arrived at the entrance to the Earl's mansion, Mr. and Mrs. Birdikin
alighted, and, followed by the children, entered the stately precincts,
there to be regaled with such refreshment as was fitting for the
occasion. Mr. Birdikin was gratified to observe the children instantly
seized upon by the Viscount Firebolt, the Honourable John, and the Lady
Mary, for he felt that this exhibition of intimacy between his own
offspring and that of his host could not but impress those of his
neighbours who were witnesses of it. The Earl himself, a handsome and
manly figure in his scarlet coat, came forward to greet him, and
requested him, in humorous fashion, to take something to keep out the
draught. Mr. Birdikin was about to engage him in a serious conversation
about the Corn Laws, which were then exercising the minds of landowners,
but he turned aside to greet others of his guests, and what was Mr.
Birdikin's surprise to see that these were none other than Mr. Clott,
the ironmonger, Mrs. Clott, and her niece, Miss Smith.

[Illustration: _What was Mr. Birdikin's surprise to see that these were
none other than Mr. Clott, the ironmonger, Mrs. Clott, and her niece,
Miss Smith_]

A moment's reflection showed him that a nobleman of the Earl of
Bellacre's exalted rank might well receive those of a lower station at a
semi-public entertainment of this sort, though he had not imagined that
his condescension would have included one who followed the avocation of
a retail _tradesman_. He was about to exhibit his own affability by a
word of greeting to Miss Smith, but before he could do so she was set
upon by the children, who showed the liveliest pleasure at this meeting
with her, those of the Earl and Countess no less than his own and Thomas
and Lucy Guff. They took Miss Smith away with them, but left Mr. and
Mrs. Clott behind, and the little group was immediately joined by
Captain Rouseabout, also in hunting pink, who was greeted by the Earl
with a measure of joviality, which Mr. Birdikin put down to his
acquirements as a _foxhunter_ rather than to his merits as a _man_.

He himself held but a low opinion of his neighbour, and was horrified at
his digging him playfully in the ribs and inquiring of him with a wink
whether he had been singing songs under ladies' windows lately. This
reference to a discreditable escapade of his own, in which Mr. Birdikin
had been involved, in circumstances that he now wished buried in
oblivion, caused him acute annoyance, but he was relieved of the
necessity of replying to the ill-timed reminder by the Earl's taking
leave of him, with the words, 'Well, I must go and look after somebody
else. I see I can safely leave you with your friends, Mr. Birdikin'.

It may be imagined that Mr. Birdikin did not long remain in the company
of such supposed 'friends', and he was not a little annoyed at being
placed in the same category of guests as Mr. and Mrs. Clott, but judged
that the Earl had spoken inadvertently in so identifying him. He sought
out Mrs. Birdikin, who had been endeavouring to engage the Countess in
conversation, but without success, as that lady was unable to give ear
to _one_ among her guests, when so _many_ were desirous of a word with
her. She was, however, not a little disturbed in mind by seeing her in
sprightly conversation with Miss Smith, and hoped that the governess had
not so far forgotten her position of inferiority as to intrude herself
upon her; for the children were no longer in the room, and she had not
the excuse of _their_ company in presenting herself to the notice of her
hostess.

Mr. and Mrs. Birdikin repaired to their chariot, where they could sit in
comfort and dignity, and watch what was going forward. It was a scene of
which none but our beloved country can offer a parallel. The hounds,
attended by the huntsmen and whippers-in, were gathered upon the sward
of the park. The gentlemen of the hunt and some few ladies emulative of
their prowess were mounting or curbing their high-mettled steeds. Upon
the broad stretch of gravel in front of the mansion were gathered
various equipages, whose occupants represented all that was most opulent
and genteel from the surrounding region.

Not far from Mr. Birdikin's carriage was one of a more resplendent
appearance than his own, which in course of years had somewhat
deteriorated from its pristine gloss, and harnessed to it were a pair of
mettlesome horses whose value was apparent even to his unskilled eye. He
was about to inquire of Mrs. Birdikin to what nobleman or gentleman of
the vicinity she deemed this spanking equipage to appertain when he saw
Mr. and Mrs. Clott and Miss Smith take their places in it. His surprise
was so intense that he could not at first give it utterance, but the
ownership of the vehicle immediately became apparent when Captain
Rouseabout rode up to it and engaged its occupants in hilarious
conversation, for he recognized on the box-seat beside the coachman the
liveried groom who had been in attendance on his master when he had
driven him home from the Hunt Dinner. His lip curled at the idea of his
neighbour's thus parading his low tastes in making such people as the
Clotts participators in an entertainment that was properly the province
of their superiors, and his indignation at the sight of Miss Smith
smiling at the coarse buffooneries of Captain Rouseabout, actually
within a few yards of where he, to whom she owed respect and allegiance,
was sitting, wellnigh overcame him. But the children now came tumbling
into the carriage, and as Charles and Thomas Guff came up to it on their
ponies, accompanied by all three of the Earl's children, the necessity
of harmonious intercourse with the latter prevented him from giving it
expression.

Nor could he do so when Captain Rouseabout himself rode up, and,
throwing his eye over the horses of which Bodger held the reins, said in
a voice that could be heard by all who chose to listen, 'Well, old
Birdikin, when are you going to send this cat's meat to the knackers and
let me find you a good pair of gee-gees?'

The fear of what he might say next kept Mr. Birdikin from replying
except by a sickly smile. Captain Rouseabout's eye then fell upon Fanny,
to whom he said, 'Well, little lady, come and have a ride in my new
carriage'.

This, however, could not be permitted. The field moved off and the
Birdikin family wended their way homewards, with Fanny making loud
protestations.

The account of what followed these various encounters must be postponed
for another chapter.




  CHAPTER XXII

  AN ENGAGEMENT


Our readers may remember the Reverend Mr. Speedway, who accompanied the
Bishop of P----chester on his visit to Byron Grove in the capacity of
chaplain. Mr. Birdikin had wellnigh forgotten him, for he had since left
his Lordship's employment, and it did not seem likely that their paths
would again coincide. What then was his surprise, on his return from the
Meet at Bellacre Castle, to be informed that a clergyman was awaiting
him, and, on entering the room into which he had been shown, to
recognize the not unpleasing features of Mr. Speedway.

The reverend gentleman appeared to be under some stress of emotion. He
quickly informed Mr. Birdikin that his patron had recently appointed him
to the living of W----, the tithe value of which was nine hundred pounds
a year. 'There is also a good rectory house and some fifteen acres of
glebe,' said Mr. Speedway, 'and the society in the vicinity is genteel
and given to hospitality. I am therefore desirous, Mr. Birdikin, of
installing a mistress in W---- Rectory, and I come to you, as the
natural guardian of the virtuous and prepossessing Miss Smith, to
supplicate your kind offices in laying my proposal before her.'

'And what _is_ your proposal, sir?' inquired Mr. Birdikin. 'Miss Smith
is a young woman of respectable though not of distinguished parentage,
who has enjoyed the benefits of my protection, and of such measure of my
esteem as is fittingly bestowed upon a dependant in my household. I
could not sanction her leaving the shelter of my roof to take up her
abode under yours except as your wife, and I can scarcely imagine that,
with the substantial measure of prosperity to which you have already
attained, and the further expectations you may legitimately entertain
from your connection with the distinguished prelate with whom I am proud
to claim kinship, through Mrs. Birdikin--I scarcely contemplate, I say,
that you would wish to hamper your career by joining yourself in wedlock
with Miss Smith.'

Mr. Speedway hastened to inform him that such was his project, and
inquired whether there was anything against Miss Smith, other than her
having filled a position in Mr. Birdikin's household, to render such a
marriage unsuitable.

With that quickness of apprehension which marked him, Mr. Birdikin
divined that his interlocutor had fallen a victim to one of those
excitations of feeling in which the more weighty affairs of life are
subordinated to the whims of passion. He did not, however, feel himself
called upon to warn Mr. Speedway that he would be doing irretrievable
damage to a promising career by marrying a woman who would bring him
neither money nor the countenance of well-placed relatives, but judged
it sufficient to refer him to Miss Smith's uncle and aunt, Mr. and Mrs.
Clott, with whom she was at that time staying. 'Mr. Clott,' he said, 'is
a retail ironmonger at X. If you wish to go farther in this matter, you
will no doubt find him in his _shop_, ready to discuss it with you.'

He had thought that Mr. Speedway's resolution would have been weakened
by this revelation, but the young clergyman merely thanked him for his
information and rushed from the room. A moment afterwards he saw him
from his window enter the post-chaise which had been waiting for him and
drive furiously away.

It was necessary to inform Mrs. Birdikin of what had happened, for she
had recognized her husband's visitor as he had leaped into the
post-chaise. She received Mr. Birdikin's account with her usual calm
common sense, and remarked that the attentions of Mr. Speedway would
relieve Miss Smith of those of Captain Rouseabout, whose designs upon
the virtue of the governess must now be apparent to all. 'He will
scarcely venture,' she remarked, 'to pursue farther a woman who is
affianced to a beneficed clergyman, and I for one shall be glad to see
Miss Smith translated to a sphere in which her lowly origin may be
forgotten.'

'There are those,' observed Mr. Birdikin, after a pause for reflection,
'who profess more esteem for worldly circumstance than for honest worth,
but I have never been one of them, and I shall gladly give my
countenance to a marriage which is far beyond what Miss Smith could have
looked for, and which she will owe to the chance, supremely happy for
her, of having taken service in a family of such distinction as ours. My
earnest prayer is that she may never forget it, but by bearing herself
with modesty and decorum prove herself worthy of the good fortune that
has befallen her.'

Nothing more was heard of Mr. Speedway's suit until Miss Smith returned
to Byron Grove a few days later. The Birdikin children welcomed her with
the affection which she had succeeded in arousing in their innocent
breasts, but bewailed the coming separation which her coming marriage
would involve.

'But who told you of my coming marriage?' inquired Miss Smith, with an
engaging smile. 'I had thought it would be left for _me_ to give you the
first word of it.'

'It was _I_, Miss Smith,' said Mr. Birdikin, 'who informed your young
pupils of the happy lot awaiting you, for, by giving it my countenance,
I am in some sort responsible for it. Allow me to offer you my heartfelt
congratulations upon your good fortune. It has come at a convenient
moment, for with Charles and Henry no longer in need of your tuition we
shall the better be able to dispense with the services which your new
state in life will preclude you from affording us for much longer.'

'Indeed, sir,' said Miss Smith, 'I have returned only to collect my
small possessions and to bid farewell to those from whom I can only
regret to part.'

Mr. Birdikin inclined his head. 'In consideration of the respectable
marriage you are making, Miss Smith,' he said, 'I will willingly waive
the month's notice which is usual in terminating an agreement such as
exists between us, and I pray you to accept, as a token of my good will,
the month's salary which you would otherwise forfeit. You will no doubt
be put to some expense in preparing to ally yourself with a gentleman of
a superior station to your own, and I should not wish you to present
yourself at the hymeneal altar in "_rags_".'

The generosity of this offer, though disguised by the whimsicality which
was Mr. Birdikin's delicate way of showing that he did not wish to be
_over_-thanked for it, caused Miss Smith some confusion. But Fanny
relieved her of the necessity of replying by saying, 'Clara and I will
be your bridesmaids', and Miss Smith embraced both little girls and said
that she had been about to make that very request of their parents.

Mr. Birdikin felt that the request would better have been made in
private, so that, had he not been willing to grant it, the refusal need
not have been given in front of the children. The presumption was that
Miss Smith's wedding would take place from the house of her aunt, Mrs.
Clott, and, in spite of her elevation to a position in which there
would be no derogation to his dignity in permitting his children to
consort with her, he was not ready to sanction their attending her on so
public an occasion _before_ she had dissociated herself from relatives
whom, as the wife of a beneficed clergyman, she would no longer wish to
recognize.

He returned a non-committal reply, and Charles said, 'When Henry and I
come home for our vacations we shall invite Miss Smith to visit us'.

'And you must all visit me,' said Miss Smith. 'I shall be residing at no
great distance from Byron Grove and shall see you frequently.'

'I am not aware,' said Mr. Birdikin, 'of the exact locality of Mr.
Speedway's parish, but imagine it will be at too great a distance for
_frequent_ intercourse.'

Miss Smith gazed at him in surprise. 'May I ask, sir, why Mr. Speedway's
name should be mentioned in this connection?' she said.

'Are you not affianced to Mr. Speedway?' asked Mr. Birdikin, with an
indulgent smile. 'Your modesty becomes you, Miss Smith, but you need not
blench at reference to your future state.'

[Illustration: _'Your modesty becomes you, Miss Smith'_]

A deep blush suffused Miss Smith's mild, but not unprepossessing
countenance. 'You are under a misapprehension, sir,' she said, 'I am
affianced to your neighbour, Captain Rouseabout.'




  [Illustration]

  CHAPTER XXIII

  A MARRIAGE


The surprise and dismay of Mr. Birdikin on being apprised of Miss
Smith's coming marriage to Captain Rouseabout may better be imagined
than described. He had himself seen the Reverend Mr. Speedway drive off
to lay his suit at the feet of the governess, but as his
cross-examination of Miss Smith elicited the fact that he had not
reached his destination, he could only suppose that he had swerved from
his purpose when the full force of her unfortunate connection with
retail _trade_ had had time to strike him. This, indeed, proved to be
the case, for a few days later Mr. Birdikin received a manly letter from
the young Rector, in which he said that Miss Smith had made a deep
impression upon him, but that in view of his sacred calling he could not
bring himself to marry her from a _shop_, and should now, at whatever
temporary inconvenience to himself, erase her image from his mind and
seek a bride whom he could present to the more genteel among his
parishioners without blushing for her.

These sentiments found ready response in Mr. Birdikin's breast; but at
the time Miss Smith's declaration was made to him he was unaware of
them, or he would have pointed out to her the contrast between the
high-minded decision arrived at by one who took thought of his duty
towards _others_ and the self-indulgence of a man who considered only
the gratification of his immediate inclinations, at whatever cost to his
own dignity and the claims of his neighbours. For Captain Rouseabout,
though totally unfitted in Mr. Birdikin's estimation for the position he
filled, was possessed of a fine estate and, had he not been so lost to
all sense of what was becoming to a gentleman of property, he must have
thought twice before affronting his neighbours by presenting to them a
bride who had not only filled a subordinate position in Mr. Birdikin's
household, but had relatives living within a stone's throw of whom it
was impossible to conceive even a Captain Rouseabout being anything but
heartily ashamed when the first impulsion of his passion had spent
itself.

He did venture to point out to Miss Smith the grave risk she was running
in allying herself to a man of Captain Rouseabout's notorious character,
who might be expected to throw her aside like an old glove when he had
had, as it were, enough of her. He told her that, although he and Mrs.
Birdikin would not refuse to consort with her _after_ her marriage, if
she persisted in the unbridled course on which she had set out, they
could not in any way countenance it _beforehand_, or accept invitations,
either for themselves or their children, to a wedding which he supposed
would take place from the abode of her aunt, Mrs. Clott.

[Illustration: _He did venture to point out the grave risk she was
running_]

'You are mistaken, sir, in your estimation of Captain Rouseabout,' said
Miss Smith, 'and you will remember that it was yourself who encouraged
him to the somewhat unseemly declaration of his admiration for myself
which I have since forgiven him. With regard to the marriage ceremony, I
have felt that it would not be entirely fitting that it should take
place from the house of my aunt, though Captain Rouseabout himself has
so high an appreciation of her that he vows, in the language of
symbolism, that she is the pick of the stable. I have thought it
possible that, in view of the position of dignity to which I am shortly
to be elevated, an offer might be made to me to proceed to the altar
from the house of those who are closer in _rank_ to Captain Rouseabout
than my kind aunt and uncle can claim to be.'

Mr. Birdikin did not at the time take this as a suggestion that Miss
Smith should be married from Byron Grove. He was concerned lest the
episode, already recounted in these pages, to which Miss Smith had made
reference, should come to the ears of Mrs. Birdikin, and he was anxious
that the governess should leave Byron Grove without his children,
especially Fanny, divining that there was matter of grave disconcern in
his attitude towards her. He therefore dismissed Miss Smith from his
presence, with a cheque for her last month's salary and a statement that
as she had made her bed so must she lie upon it, and within a few hours
she had left the shelter of Byron Grove for ever.

In conversation with his wife, however, Mr. Birdikin recalled Miss
Smith's words, and their true significance flashed upon him. 'What!' he
exclaimed. 'After all that she has received at our hands, for which she
has repaid us with the basest ingratitude, to expect us to go out of our
way, and to spend money upon concealing her lowly origin, in order that
she may ally herself to that oaf, that rou, that scoffer against all
propriety and decorum! It is too much. She has already been corrupted
by her association with him, and is no longer the modest, respectful
woman whom I have harboured for so long under my roof. I wash my hands
of her from henceforth.'

'I would remind you, Mr. Birdikin,' said his lady, 'that as the wife of
the owner of Beechcroft Miss Smith will enjoy a measure of consideration
that cannot be conveniently overlooked. She will be mistress of a finer
house than this and drive about in a chariot beside which mine presents
no better appearance than that of a hackney-coach. I have no mind to
_emphasize_ the discrepancy between Miss Smith's state and my own, and
beg that you will not draw attention to it by taking up an attitude
which will only bring upon you the derision of those with whom you wish
to stand well.'

Mr. Birdikin saw the force of this contention, and, in view of Miss
Smith's future state as a lady of quality, began to regret that he had
already erected a barrier to an intimacy which he now saw to be
desirable. After further parley with Mrs. Birdikin he wrote to Miss
Smith and generously offered to have the wedding at Byron Grove, adding
that he should be pleased to permit his daughters to attend her to the
altar as bridesmaids.

The delight of Clara and Fanny when this news was imparted to them knew
no bounds, and Mr. Birdikin felt that he had dealt with an awkward
situation in a manner that could only increase his credit. What then was
his surprise when he received a letter from Miss Smith, thanking him for
his offer but informing him that the Countess of Bellacre had graciously
invited her to be married from Bellacre Castle, and that the nuptial
knot would be tied by the Lord Bishop of P----chester, who had been a
close personal friend of Captain Rouseabout's late father, and had
expressed a gratifying approval of his choice of bride. She added that
it would give her great pleasure to have Clara and Fanny as her
bridesmaids, in addition to the Lady Mary Firebolt and the Honourable
Miss Martingale, a young niece of Captain Rouseabout's.

'Well,' said Mrs. Birdikin, on reception of the contents of this
missive, 'I apprehend, Mr. Birdikin, that you will not _now_ refuse your
countenance to Miss Smith's nuptials, which I presume Mr. and Mrs. Clott
will also be invited to witness. If I add that your Aunt Maria will
likewise expect an invitation, it is with the object of reminding you
that while _my_ relatives include a Bishop, and, at a remove of some
distance, a Baronet, your _own_ scarcely warrant the attitude you have
taken up to the future Mrs. Captain Rouseabout, and I trust that from
henceforth you will drop it.'




  CHAPTER XXIV

  FAREWELL TO THE BIRDIKINS


Our last glimpse of the family whose history we have been following
through weal and through woe shall be on the occasion of a dinner party
given to Captain and Mrs. Rouseabout on their return from their
honeymoon. The four children were permitted to appear at this reunion,
in consideration of Mrs. Rouseabout's having before her marriage filled
the position of governess to them, but Mr. Birdikin warned them that
they were on no account to refer to that fact in conversation with her.

'Mrs. Rouseabout is now a lady of Quality,' he said, 'and is shortly to
be presented to her Sovereign. It will no doubt be distasteful to her to
be reminded that at no distant time she was employed in a comparatively
menial capacity in the house to which she will return as an honoured
guest. It is in the observance due to rank and station that true
breeding shows itself, and I would have my children bear themselves
towards those in a superior position in society with the nice
consideration that is also due to _themselves_ as the sons and daughters
of a gentleman of property.'

'Hoity-toity!' ejaculated Mr. Birdikin's Aunt Maria, who was at that
time sojourning under his hospitable roof. 'Stuffing their heads with a
pack of nonsense! If Mrs. Rouseabout is the sensible woman she always
was, she don't want to forget that she earned her living like some of
the best of us.'

And so it proved to be. Mrs. Rouseabout showed herself unfeignedly
pleased to meet once more the children whom she had once taught, and by
recalling to their minds numerous episodes of the past showed that she
had no wish to forget the position she had held as their paid
instructress. This could not but be pleasing to Mr. Birdikin. He himself
took part in the sprightly conversation, and recalled to Mrs.
Rouseabout's recollection an occasion upon which he had been suffering
from an attack of gout and she had inadvertently jarred his bandaged
foot through tripping over the cat while carrying a shovelful of coals
with which he had requested her to replenish his fire. 'Had it not been
for the strong curb I am accustomed to place upon my irritation,' he
said, 'you would have been dismissed from my service then and there, and
the virtuous but submissive Miss Smith would not have blossomed into the
elegant and stylish Mrs. Rouseabout.'

There was something about this speech that was not pleasing to Mrs.
Purport who, addressing herself to Mrs. Rouseabout, inquired, 'How is
your aunt, Mrs. Clott? I suppose you haven't threw her over since you
become so grand?'

The question was answered by Captain Rouseabout, who said, 'We don't
throw over our old favourites when they can't work up to the collar. We
put 'em out to grass'.

The interpretation of this somewhat cryptic saying was that upon their
niece's marriage Mr. and Mrs. Clott had been persuaded to relinquish the
oversight of their hardware business, in which they had amassed a not
inconsiderable fortune, and were about to settle themselves in a genteel
and commodious cottage upon Captain Rouseabout's estate.

When this news had been given in detail Fanny clapped her hands and
said, 'I shall be able to visit Mrs. Clott every day'.

'So shall we all,' replied Charles, 'when Henry and I are at home on
vacation from school. But I shall regret that Mr. and Mrs. Clott are not
still resident at the seaside, so that we can enjoy the pleasure of
immersion in the ocean when we visit them.'

'My Papa would not permit us to visit Mrs. Clott when she lived over her
_shop_,' said Henry, 'but I opine that the embargo will be lifted, now
that Mr. and Mrs. Clott have rid themselves of the taint of retail
trade.'

'Lor! What stuff you do put into the heads of them innocents, Zephaniah
Birdikin!' exclaimed Aunt Maria. 'Let me remind you that Mr. Clott is
own mother's cousin's son to my dear husband, who made _his_ money in
the leather dressing, and----'

'What!' interrupted Captain Rouseabout. 'Was old Half-crown Purport your
husband, ma'am? The best saddler in the kingdom, and a good sporty cove
too. Never missed a race-meeting and never had more than half a crown on
each way. Let me drink a glass of wine with you, ma'am. I'm proud to
know you.'

Aunt Maria was gratified by this address from one who, in spite of his
predilection for sports and the company attached to them which Mr.
Birdikin held in abhorrence, she recognized as belonging by birth and
station to the higher ranks of society. 'My Purport was in with all the
nobs, but never presumed on it,' she said, with a glance at her nephew,
'and if there's some who don't like the smell of his money there's
others who won't be so particular where it comes from when I join him
under his marble monument.'

Mr. Birdikin was aghast at what he could only regard as a threat of
Mrs. Purport's leaving her money away from him, and rebuked Henry in no
measured terms for the unfortunate remark which had led to it. 'I am
ashamed,' he said, 'that a son of mine should express thoughts so
subversive of all the principles in which I have sought to train my
children. How often have I told you, sir, that honest worth counts far
more in the sight of Heaven than the trappings of gentility? I would
rather take in mine the hand of an upright grocer, nay even that of a
tiller of the soil who has learned to bear himself respectfully towards
his betters, than be regaled with the choicest viands by a man of rank
whose character I could not respect.'

In his indignation he would have bidden Henry to leave the table, but
his attention was withdrawn from him by Aunt Maria, before whom the
butler had set a plateful of venison in a somewhat advanced state of
decomposition. 'I can't abide this rotten meat,' she said. 'It fair
turns my stomach.'

She was accommodated with a helping of roast beef in the place of the
offending dish, and the rest of the dinner passed without further
occasion for Mr. Birdikin to exercise his parental authority.

When the two gentlemen were left together over their wine, Captain
Rouseabout surprised his host by the moderation he showed in its
consumption. 'It does not become a married man,' he said, 'to sit
swilling his liquor, when he could be enjoying the society of the mares
and the fillies. I have observed in you, Birdikin, a tendency towards
the bottle which I can only deplore in a man who has had before him the
example of a pure and innocent woman who would grace the highest stable
in the land.'

'If you are alluding to my wife, sir----' began Mr. Birdikin.

'No, sir, I am alluding to mine,' Captain Rouseabout interrupted him.
'There is a woman, sir, whose gentle influence could charm away the
worst spavin ever seen, or induce a welcher to pay up and go home to his
wife and children. Let me implore you, Birdikin, for the sake of _your_
wife and children, to run between the posts, so that when the time comes
for you to weigh in you will not show up with more in your saddle-cloth
than you can carry. Now I have had my whack, and you have had as much as
is good for you. Put in the cork and let us adjourn to the paddock.'

Though inclined to take offence at Captain Rouseabout's unmerited
strictures upon himself, Mr. Birdikin was sensible that the amelioration
in his own habits brought about by his marriage would render neighbourly
intercourse with him easier to support. They adjourned to the parlour,
and the rest of the evening, until the children were sent to bed, was
occupied by an innocent game with cards and counters, Captain Rouseabout
being taken away by his wife at ten o'clock, and refusing even the
modest 'night-cap' proposed to him by Mr. Birdikin.

On the morrow Charles and Henry departed for Dr. Thwackem's Select
Academy for Young Gentlemen at Clapham, and the period of their
childhood which we have sought to illuminate was over.

[Illustration: _The period of their childhood was over_]

We leave Mr. Birdikin, in spite of occasional damage to his self-esteem,
conscious of a rectitude and a worldly position superior to the
ordinary, and on the look-out for a governess, to continue the
scholastic education of Clara and Fanny, who should possess all the
excellent qualities of a Miss Smith, and be ready to exercise them on a
lower scale of emolument. For their _moral_ upbringing he relied upon
his _own_ precept and example, as before.


  =Transcriber's Notes:=
  original hyphenation, spelling and grammar have been preserved as in
    the original
  Page 150, 'been dismissed my' changed to 'been dismissed from my'




[End of _The Birdikin Family_ by Archibald Marshall,
illustrated by George Morrow]
