
* A Project Gutenberg Canada Ebook *

This ebook is made available at no cost and with very few
restrictions. These restrictions apply only if (1) you make
a change in the ebook (other than alteration for different
display devices), or (2) you are making commercial use of
the ebook. If either of these conditions applies, please
check gutenberg.ca/links/licence.html before proceeding.

This work is in the Canadian public domain, but may be
under copyright in some countries. If you live outside Canada,
check your country's copyright laws. IF THE BOOK IS UNDER
COPYRIGHT IN YOUR COUNTRY, DO NOT DOWNLOAD
OR REDISTRIBUTE THIS FILE.

Title: A Night at an Inn. A Play in One Act.
Author: Lord Dunsany [Edward John Moreton Drax Plunkett,
   eighteenth Baron Dunsany] (1878-1957)
Date of first publication: 1916
Editions used as base for this ebook:
   New York: The Sunwise Turn, 1916
   (first printing [illustration]; second printing [text])
Date first posted: 28 February 2009
Date last updated: 28 February 2009
Project Gutenberg Canada ebook #270

This ebook was produced by:
David T. Jones, Rnald Lvesque
& the Online Distributed Proofreading Team
at http://www.pgdpcanada.net








A NIGHT AT AN INN



A PLAY IN ONE ACT



BY



LORD DUNSANY



[Illustration: silver seal cut by Lord Dunsany]



THE SUNWISE TURN, _Inc._

2 EAST 31ST STREET NEW YORK

1916





Copyright, 1916, by



THE SUNWISE TURN, _INC._



ALL RIGHTS RESERVED





The professional and amateur stage rights on this play are strictly

reserved by the author. Applications for permission to produce the

play should be made to The Neighborhood Playhouse, 466 Grand Street,

New York.



Any infringement of the author's rights will be punished by the

penalties imposed under the United States Revised Statutes, Title 60,

Chapter 3.



    *    *    *    *    *



THE DRAWING ON THE COVER IS FROM

A SILVER SEAL CUT BY LORD DUNSANY



    *    *    *    *    *



2nd Printing









DRAMATIS PERSON



A. E. SCOTT-FORTESQUE (The Toff), _A dilapidated gentleman_



WILLIAM JONES (Bill)   }

ALBERT THOMAS          } _merchant sailors_

JACOB SMITH (Sniggers) }



First Priest of Klesh

Second Priest of Klesh

Third Priest of Klesh

Klesh









A NIGHT AT AN INN



     (_The curtain rises on a room in an inn. Sniggers and

     Bill are talking, the Toff is reading a paper. Albert

     sits a little apart._)



SNIGGERS



What's his idea, I wonder?



BILL



I don't know.



SNIGGERS



And how much longer will he keep us here?



BILL



We've been here three days.



SNIGGERS



And 'aven't seen a soul.



BILL



And a pretty penny it cost us when he rented the pub.



SNIGGERS



'Ow long did 'e rent the pub for?



BILL



You never know with him.



SNIGGERS



It's lonely enough.



BILL



'Ow long did you rent the pub for, Toffy?



     (_The Toff continues to read a sporting paper; he takes

     no notice of what is said._)



SNIGGERS



'E's _such_ a toff.



BILL



Yet 'e's clever, no mistake.



SNIGGERS



Those clever ones are the beggars to make a muddle. Their plans are

clever enough, but they don't work, and then they make a mess of

things much worse than you or me.



BILL



Ah!



SNIGGERS



I don't like this place.



BILL



Why not?



SNIGGERS



I don't like the looks of it.



BILL



He's keeping us here because here those niggers can't find us. The

three heathen priests what was looking for us so. But we want to go

and sell our ruby soon.



ALBERT



There's no sense in it.



BILL



Why not, Albert?



ALBERT



Because I gave those black devils the slip in Hull.



BILL



You give 'em the slip, Albert?



ALBERT



The slip, all three of them. The fellows with the gold spots on their

foreheads. I had the ruby then and I give them the slip in Hull.



BILL



How did you do it, Albert?



ALBERT



I had the ruby and they were following me. . . .



BILL



Who told them you had the ruby? You didn't show it.



ALBERT



No. . . . But they kind of know.



SNIGGERS



They kind of know, Albert?



ALBERT



Yes, they know if you've got it. Well, they sort of mouched after me,

and I tells a policeman and he says, O, they were only three poor

niggers and they wouldn't hurt me. Ugh! When I thought of what they

did in Malta to poor old Jim.



BILL



Yes, and to George in Bombay before we started.



SNIGGERS



Ugh!



BILL



Why didn't you give 'em in charge?



ALBERT



What about the ruby, Bill?



BILL



Ah!



ALBERT



Well, I did better than that. I walks up and down through Hull. I

walks slow enough. And then I turns a corner and I runs. I never sees

a corner but I turns it. But sometimes I let a corner pass just to

fool them. I twists about like a hare. Then I sits down and waits. No

priests.



SNIGGERS



What?



ALBERT



No heathen black devils with gold spots on their face. I give 'em the

slip.



BILL



Well done, Albert!



SNIGGERS



     (_After a sigh of content._)



Why didn't you tell us?



ALBERT



'Cause 'e won't let you speak. 'E's got 'is plans and 'e thinks we're

silly folk. Things must be done 'is way. And all the time I've give

'em the slip. Might 'ave 'ad one o' them crooked knives in him before

now but for me who give 'em the slip in Hull.



BILL



Well done, Albert!



Do you hear that, Toffy? Albert has give 'em the slip.



THE TOFF



Yes, I hear.



SNIGGERS



Well, what do you say to that?



THE TOFF



O. . . . Well done, Albert!



ALBERT



And what a' you going to do?



THE TOFF



Going to wait.



ALBERT



Don't seem to know what 'e's waiting for.



SNIGGERS



It's a nasty place.



ALBERT



It's getting silly, Bill. Our money's gone and we want to sell the

ruby. Let's get on to a town.



BILL



But 'e won't come.



ALBERT



Then we'll leave him.



SNIGGERS



We'll be all right if we keep away from Hull.



ALBERT



We'll go to London.



BILL



But 'e must 'ave 'is share.



SNIGGERS



All right. Only let's go. (_To the Toff_) We're going, do you hear?

Give us the ruby.



THE TOFF



Certainly.



     (_He gives them a ruby from his waistcoat pocket; it is

     the size of a small hen's egg._



     _He goes on reading his paper._)



ALBERT



Come on, Sniggers.



(_Exeunt Albert and Sniggers._)



BILL



Good-by, old man. We'll give you your fair share, but there's nothing

to do here--no girls, no halls, and we must sell the ruby.



THE TOFF



I'm not a fool, Bill.



BILL



No, no, of course not. Of course you ain't, and you've helped us a

lot. Good-by. You'll say good-by?



THE TOFF



Oh, yes. Good-by.



     (_Still reads his paper. Exit Bill. The Toff puts a

     revolver on the table beside him and goes on with_

     _his papers. After a moment the three men come rushing

     in again, frightened._)



SNIGGERS



     (_Out of breath._)



We've come back, Toffy.



THE TOFF



So you have.



ALBERT



Toffy. . . . How did they get here?



THE TOFF



They walked, of course.



ALBERT



But it's eighty miles.



SNIGGERS



Did you know they were here, Toffy?



THE TOFF



Expected them about now.



ALBERT



Eighty miles!



BILL



Toffy, old man . . . what are we to do?



THE TOFF



Ask Albert.



BILL



If they can do things like this, there's no one can save us but you,

Toffy. . . . I always knew you were a clever one. We won't be fools

any more. We'll obey you, Toffy.



THE TOFF



You're brave enough and strong enough. There isn't many that would

steal a ruby eye out of an idol's head, and such an idol as that was

to look at, and on such a night. You're brave enough, Bill. But you're

all three of you fools. Jim would have none of my plans, and where's

Jim? And George. What did they do to him?



SNIGGERS



Don't, Toffy!



THE TOFF



Well, then, your strength is no use to you. You want cleverness; or

they'll have you the way they had George and Jim.



ALL



Ugh!



THE TOFF



Those black priests would follow you round the world in circles. Year

after year, till they got the idol's eye. And if we died with it,

they'd follow our grand-children. That fool thinks he can escape from

men like that by running round three streets in the town of Hull.



ALBERT



God's truth, _you_ 'aven't escaped them, because they're _'ere_.



THE TOFF



So I supposed.



ALBERT



You _supposed_!



THE TOFF



Yes, I believe there's no announcement in the Society papers. But I

took this country seat especially to receive them. There's plenty of

room if you dig, it is pleasantly situated, and, what is more

important, it is in a very quiet neighborhood. So I am at home to them

this afternoon.



BILL



Well, _you're_ a deep one.



THE TOFF



And remember, you've only my wits between you and death, and don't put

your futile plans against those of an educated gentleman.



ALBERT



If you're a gentleman, why don't you go about among gentlemen instead

of the likes of us?



THE TOFF



Because I was too clever for them as I am too clever for you.



ALBERT



Too clever for them?



THE TOFF



I never lost a game of cards in my life.



BILL



You never lost a game!



THE TOFF



Not when there was money in it.



BILL



Well, well!



THE TOFF



Have a game of poker?



ALL



No, thanks.



THE TOFF



Then do as you're told.



BILL



All right, Toffy.



SNIGGERS



I saw something just then. Hadn't we better draw the curtains?



THE TOFF



No.



SNIGGERS



What?



THE TOFF



Don't draw the curtains.



SNIGGERS



O, all right.



BILL



But, Toffy, they can see us. One doesn't let the enemy do that. I

don't see why. . . .



THE TOFF



No, of course you don't.



BILL



O, all right, Toffy.



     (_All begin to pull out revolvers._)





THE TOFF



     (_Putting his own away._)



No revolvers, please.



ALBERT



Why not?



THE TOFF



Because I don't want any noise at my party. We might get guests that

hadn't been invited. _Knives_ are a different matter.



     (_All draw knives. The Toff signs to them not to draw

     them yet. Toffy has already taken back his ruby._)



BILL



I think they're coming, Toffy.



THE TOFF



Not yet.



ALBERT



When will they come?



THE TOFF



When I am quite ready to receive them. Not before.



SNIGGERS



I should like to get this over.



THE TOFF



Should you? Then we'll have them now.



SNIGGERS



Now?



THE TOFF



Yes. Listen to me. You shall do as you see me do. You will all pretend

to go out. I'll show you how. I've got the ruby. When they see me

alone they will come for their idol's eye.



BILL



How can they tell like this which of us has it?



THE TOFF



I confess I don't know, but they seem to.



SNIGGERS



What will you do when they come in?



THE TOFF



I shall do nothing.



SNIGGERS



What?



THE TOFF



They will creep up behind me. Then, my friends, Sniggers and Bill and

Albert, who gave them the slip, will do what they can.



BILL



All right, Toffy. Trust us.



THE TOFF



If you're a little slow, you will see enacted the cheerful spectacle

that accompanied the demise of Jim.



SNIGGERS



Don't, Toffy. We'll be there, all right.



THE TOFF



Very well. Now watch me.



     (_He goes past the windows to the inner door R. He

     opens it inwards, then under cover of the open door, he

     slips down on his knee and closes it, remaining on the

     inside, appearing to have gone out. He signs to the

     others, who understand. Then he appears to re-enter in

     the same manner._)



THE TOFF



Now, I shall sit with my back to the door. You go out one by one, so

far as our friends can make out. Crouch very low to be on the safe

side. They mustn't see you through the window.



     (_Bill makes his sham exit._)



THE TOFF



Remember, no revolvers. The police are, I believe, proverbially

inquisitive.



     (_The other two follow Bill. All three are now

     crouching inside the door R. The Toff puts the ruby

     beside him on the table. He lights a cigarette._)



     (_The door at the back opens so slowly that you can

     hardly say at what moment it began. The Toff picks up

     his paper._)



     (_A native of India wriggles along the floor ever so

     slowly, seeking cover from chairs. He moves L. where

     the Toff is. The three sailors are R. Sniggers and

     Albert lean forward. Bill's arm keeps them back. An

     arm-chair had better conceal them from the Indian. The

     black Priest nears the Toff. Bill watches to see if any

     more are coming. Then he leaps forward alone--he has

     taken his boots off--and knifes the Priest._)



     (_The Priest tries to shout but Bill's left hand is

     over his mouth._)



     (_The Toff continues to read his sporting paper. He

     never looks around._)



BILL



     (_Sotto voce._)



There's only one, Toffy. What shall we do?



THE TOFF



     (_Without turning his head._)



Only one?



BILL



Yes.



THE TOFF



Wait a moment. Let me think. (_Still apparently absorbed in his

paper._) Ah, yes. You go back, Bill. We must attract another guest. .

. . Now, are you ready?



BILL



Yes.



THE TOFF



All right. You shall now see my demise at my Yorkshire residence. You

must receive guests for me.



     (_He leaps up in full view of the window, flings up

     both arms and falls to the floor near the dead

     Priest._)



Now, be ready. (_His eyes close._)



     (_There is a long pause. Again the door opens, very,

     very slowly. Another priest creeps in. He has three

     golden spots upon his forehead. He looks round, then he

     creeps up to his companion and turns him over and looks

     inside of his clenched hands. Then he looks at the

     recumbent Toff. Then he creeps toward him. Bill slips

     after him and knifes him like the other with his left

     hand over his mouth._)



BILL



     (_Sotto voce._)



We've only got two, Toffy.



THE TOFF



Still another.



BILL



What'll we do?



THE TOFF



     (_Sitting up._)



Hum.



BILL



This is the best way, much.



THE TOFF



Out of the question. Never play the same game twice.



BILL



Why not, Toffy?



THE TOFF



Doesn't work if you do.



BILL



Well?



THE TOFF



I have it, Albert. You will now walk into the room. I showed you how

to do it.



ALBERT



Yes.



THE TOFF



Just run over here and have a fight at this window with these two men.



ALBERT



But they're . . .



THE TOFF



Yes, they're dead, my perspicuous Albert. But Bill and I are going to

resuscitate them. . . . Come on.



     (_Bill picks up a body under the arms._)



THE TOFF



That's right, Bill. (_Does the same._) Come and help us, Sniggers. . .

. (_Sniggers comes._) Keep low, keep low. Wave their arms about,

Sniggers. Don't show yourself. Now, Albert, over you go. Our Albert is

slain. Back you get, Bill. Back, Sniggers. Still, Albert. Mustn't move

when he comes. Not a muscle.



     (_A face appears at the window and stays for some time.

     Then the door opens and, looking craftily round, the

     third Priest enters. He looks at his companions' bodies

     and turns round. He suspects something. He takes up one

     of the knives and with a knife in each hand he puts his

     back to the wall. He looks to the left and right._)



THE TOFF



Come on, Bill.



     (_The Priest rushes to the door. The Toff knifes the

     last Priest from behind._)



THE TOFF



A good day's work, my friends.



BILL



Well done, Toffy. Oh, you are a deep one!



ALBERT



A deep one if ever there was one.



SNIGGERS



There ain't any more. Bill, are there?



THE TOFF



No more in the world, my friend.



BILL



Aye, that's all there are. There were only three in the temple. Three

priests and their beastly idol.



ALBERT



What is it worth, Toffy? Is it worth a thousand pounds?



THE TOFF



It's worth all they've got in the shop. Worth just whatever we like to

ask for it.



ALBERT



Then we're millionaires now.



THE TOFF



Yes, and, what is more important, we no longer have any heirs.



BILL



We'll have to sell it now.



ALBERT



That won't be easy. It's a pity it isn't small and we had half a

dozen. Hadn't the idol any other on him?



BILL



No, he was green jade all over and only had this one eye. He had it in

the middle of his forehead and was a long sight uglier than anything

else in the world.



SNIGGERS



I'm sure we ought all to be very grateful to Toffy.



BILL



And, indeed, we ought.



ALBERT



If it hadn't been for him. . . .



BILL



Yes, if it hadn't been for old Toffy. . . .



SNIGGERS



He's a deep one.



THE TOFF



Well, you see I just have a knack of foreseeing things.



SNIGGERS



I should think you did.



BILL



Why, I don't suppose anything happens that our Toff doesn't foresee.

Does it, Toffy?



THE TOFF



Well, I don't think it does, Bill. I don't think it often does.



BILL



Life is no more than just a game of cards to our old Toff.



THE TOFF



Well, we've taken these fellows' trick.



SNIGGERS



     (_Going to window._)



It wouldn't do for any one to see them.



THE TOFF



Oh, nobody will come this way. We're all alone on a moor.



BILL



Where will we put them?



THE TOFF



Bury them in the cellar, but there's no hurry.



BILL



And what then, Toffy?



THE TOFF



Why, then we'll go to London and upset the ruby business. We have

really come through this job very nicely.



BILL



I think the first thing that we ought to do is to give a little supper

to old Toffy. We'll bury these fellows to-night.



ALBERT



Yes, let's.



SNIGGERS



The very thing!



BILL



And we'll all drink his health.



ALBERT



Good old Toffy!



SNIGGERS



He ought to have been a general or a premier.



     (_They get bottles from cupboard, etc._)



THE TOFF



Well, we've earned our bit of a supper.



     (_They sit down._)



BILL



     (_Glass in hand._)



Here's to old Toffy, who guessed everything!



ALBERT

SNIGGERS



Good old Toffy!



BILL



Toffy, who saved our lives and made our fortunes.



ALBERT

SNIGGERS



Hear! Hear!



THE TOFF



And here's to Bill, who saved me twice to-night.



BILL



Couldn't have done it but for your cleverness, Toffy.



SNIGGERS



Hear, hear! Hear! Hear!



ALBERT



He foresees everything.



BILL



A speech, Toffy. A speech from our general.



ALL



Yes, a speech.



SNIGGERS



A speech.



THE TOFF



Well, get me some water. This whiskey's too much for my head, and I

must keep it clear till our friends are safe in the cellar.



BILL



Water? Yes, of course. Get him some water, Sniggers.



SNIGGERS



We don't use water here. Where shall I get it?



BILL



Outside in the garden.



     (_Exit Sniggers._)



ALBERT



Here's to future!



BILL



Here's to Albert Thomas, Esquire.



ALBERT



And William Jones, Esquire.



     (_Re-enter Sniggers, terrified._)



THE TOFF



Hullo, here's Jacob Smith, Esquire, J. P., alias Sniggers, back again.



SNIGGERS



Toffy, I've been thinking about my share in that ruby. I don't want

it, Toffy; I don't want it.



THE TOFF



Nonsense, Sniggers. Nonsense.



SNIGGERS



You shall have it, Toffy, you shall have it yourself, only say

Sniggers has no share in this 'ere ruby. Say it, Toffy, say it!



BILL



Want to turn informer, Sniggers?



SNIGGERS



No, no. Only I don't want the ruby, Toffy. . . .



THE TOFF



No more nonsense, Sniggers. We're all in together in this. If one

hangs, we all hang; but they won't outwit me. Besides, it's not a

hanging affair, they had their knives.



SNIGGERS



Toffy, Toffy, I always treated you fair, Toffy. I was always one to

say, Give Toffy a chance. Take back my share, Toffy.



THE TOFF



What's the matter? What are you driving at?



SNIGGERS



Take it back, Toffy.



THE TOFF



Answer me, what are you up to?



SNIGGERS



I don't want my share any more.



BILL



Have you seen the police?



     (_Albert pulls out his knife._)



THE TOFF



No, no knives, Albert.



ALBERT



What then?



THE TOFF



The honest truth in open court, barring the ruby. We were attacked.



SNIGGERS



There's no police.



THE TOFF



Well, then, what's the matter?



BILL



Out with it.



SNIGGERS



I swear to God. . . .



ALBERT



Well?



THE TOFF



Don't interrupt.



SNIGGERS



I swear I saw something _what I didn't like_.



THE TOFF



What you didn't like?



SNIGGERS



     (_In tears._)



O Toffy, Toffy, take it back. Take my share. Say you take it.



THE TOFF



What has he seen?



     (_Dead silence, only broken by Sniggers's sobs. Then

     steps are heard. Enter a hideous idol. It is blind and

     gropes its way. It gropes its way to the ruby and picks

     it up and screws it into a socket in the forehead.

     Sniggers still weeps softly, the rest stare in horror.

     The idol steps out, not groping. Its steps move off,

     then stop._)



THE TOFF



O, great heavens!



ALBERT



     (_In a childish, plaintive voice._)



What is it, Toffy?



BILL



Albert, it is that obscene idol (_in a whisper_) come from India.



ALBERT



It is gone.



BILL



It has taken its eye.



SNIGGERS



We are saved.



A VOICE OFF



     (_With outlandish accent._)



Meestaire William Jones, Able Seaman.



     (_The Toff has never spoken, never moved. He only gazes

     stupidly in horror._)



BILL



Albert, Albert, what is this?



     (_He rises and walks out. One moan is heard. Sniggers

     goes to the window. He falls back sickly._)



ALBERT



     (_In a whisper._)



What has happened?



SNIGGERS



I have seen it. I have seen it. O, I have seen it!



     (_He returns to table._)



THE TOFF



     (_Laying his hand very gently on Sniggers's arm,

     speaking softly and winningly._)



What was it, Sniggers?



SNIGGERS



I have seen it.



ALBERT



What?



SNIGGERS



O!



VOICE



Meestaire Albert Thomas, Able Seaman.



ALBERT



Must I go, Toffy? Toffy, must I go?



SNIGGERS



     (_Clutching him._)



Don't move.



ALBERT



     (_Going._)



Toffy, Toffy. (_Exit._)



VOICE



Meestaire Jacob Smith, Able Seaman.



SNIGGERS



I can't go, Toffy. I can't go. I can't do it.



     (_He goes._)



VOICE



Meestaire Arnold Everett Scott-Fortescue, late Esquire, Able Seaman.



THE TOFF



I did not foresee it.



     (_Exit._)





CURTAIN






[End of _A Night at an Inn_ by Lord Dunsany]
